An Italian's Escort Lover novel Chapter 38

Niccolo Point of View

"I'm sorry." She murmured in guilt but that was not my intention. Drowning her in self guilt is not my goal I just wanted her to look over the whole situation and get back to me, but with pride and confidence this time.

"Don't apologize, Bella. If you are apologizing for hurting me, then rather I prefer you over your apologies." I said in a soft voice for the first time in a while. "I'm done with all the struggle I went through and going through right now, Bella. I just want some peace and assurance from you. I'm done fighting for you." I sighed and took a step back to look at her clearly.

Bella's eyes widened at my confession but dropped her head without a question back or an argument. Even before, I tried different ways to keep her insecurities in check. I tried several ways to make her proud of herself for surviving through tough conditions. Few times, I was successful in making her feel good about herself and the other times, she has become just too timid to accept herself.

"It's okay. I – understand." She nodded her head vigorously looking at me with tearful eyes. "I will never tell anyone about our wedding – " Heavens! I sighed in exasperation.

"I'm done fighting for you – does not mean I am giving you up, Bella. Heavens please stop putting yourself in a dirty spot of a darkest room. You are a great woman and any man would be lucky to be with you and you have to believe it. I am not going to fight for you because I want you to fight for yourself now." I exclaimed almost close to yelling at her.

I rubbed my face with both my hands roughly and took a step back to look into the living room to see if both the ladies are chatting with each other or distracted by his absence. Fortunately, both Nonna and Serena are talking about something seriously.

"Do you love yourself, Bella?" I asked, once I seemed to have a good control on my emotions.

Bella gazed at me for a long time without answering but I can see the wheels running in her brain. She is contemplating herself about the question I asked.

"You know what, unless you love yourself unconditionally, you cannot love someone else. Until a moment back, I wanted you to fight for yourself, fight for me and us but right now I realized that something you need right now is not zeal to prove yourself, but a place in your heart for yourself."

She held her head down without replying back or making any type of sound. She's silently just listening to me without a word.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled out the paper I tugged in my pocket a while ago and placed it on the kitchen island. She narrowed her eyes at the paper slip and gazed at me with a slight frown. Her eyes are still moist and shaking and her face is still pale.

"I know what made you cry earlier." I said which made Bella moist her dry lips in nervousness and curiosity. "There are two websites written in this paper; one is for applying for a degree online. You can study by taking online classes and just have to attend for exams at the year end. The second one is the counseling blog. It's a very famous blog with few wise people guiding people to find out their skills and talents. Dream... doesn't have to come with education. You can find and achieve them both simultaneously." I pushed the paper slip to her.

She raised her quivering hand and took the paper gulping audibly. I lifted her face to have a look at her face and looked into her eyes dead and serious, "Everything that will make you happy in your life throughout from here forth is just in front of you; what is stopping you is yourself. Unless you accept yourself, Bella, you cannot expect others to accept you." I said and turned back and left the kitchen without a backward look.

Every time I try to do something which might make the complex situation between us gets resolved, I find something new about us and stop myself from taking an absurd decision. Sometimes I wonder if I can ever do something to get us both together.

I returned back to the living room and joined back in the conversation with Nonna and Serena. Serena... she's a good woman; well spoken, calm and polite. unlike many other rich brats, she has a good heart and likes using her brain and skills to achieve her goals which can be appreciated.

But she is not for me. How good , better or best she may be, she or anyone else cannot take Bella's place in my life.

Dinner was soon served and we enjoyed steaming food made by Mrs. Jones and Bella. Unknown about the conversation that took place between Bella and me, Nonna pretended to match-make me with Serena indirectly. I was still disturbed by the talk we had so I did not go along with the plan to make her jealous. I just want to wait and see how things fold between us.

The whole time during dinner, Bella kept stealing glances at me and a few times I noticed her thinking about something in trance. I could see her fumbling her hands like she does when she is very nervous.