Psycho - Headless Horsemen MC novel Chapter 17

*Also there's a self-harm warning for this chapter, remember you are not alone, you are not weak for asking for help, you are fucking strong. My love to you all*

- Harley -

Seconds before impact I jump off my bike and land on the top of the truck running along the roof before jumping off, I turn around and see the bikes turning around and heading back towards the truck. I go to run but turn around once more, my baseball bat I frown at the sight of it smashed in half, son of a fucking bitch that was my favourite bat. I don't have time for this I turn around I start running into the desert I ain't got no time for angry bikers, not today son.

By the time I get to downtown Las Vegas, I look like someone from the walking dead, dirt stuck to my skin mixing in with my sweat, my hair knotted and messy, mascara running down my face and my lipstick smudged, damn I look like a hot mess.

I make my way down the streets looking for somewhere to stay while I figure out my next plan, I walk for a few more minutes before i find a run-down motel, kinda looks like the Bates Motel. I shrug and make my way into reception to book a room, the reception room smells like stale cigarette smoke and vodka, I gag when the smell hits my nostrils. Thick layers of dust cover most of the countertops.

Once I get my key I make my way to my room, walking in it looks like a dive. A small mattress on a small metal frame, a small tv on a nightstand, stains in the carpets and curtains. I walk into the bathroom and see piss and shit stains around the room, nope nope fucking noppeeee. I run outside and throw the key into the reception without stopping, oh hell no, I can live with unclean but not that shit hell to the fucking no.

I walk down the streets until I find somewhere else, looks nice enough outside. I walk into the reception much cleaner than the last one, once I book my room I head on up to take a look, again a small bed but it looks cleaner and more comfortable than the last one, no stains on the floors or curtains. I take a deep breath and look in the bathroom, nice and clean and it has a bath in it, score.

I sit down on the bed and look at myself, I really am a fucking mess. It then hits me that I also don't have any clothes I left them with the bike the only thing I took with me was Jax's shirt before I jumped off the bike. Fuck, guess I have to go shopping.

Once I get back I've got a few new clothes, I head back to the room and look at what I've brought, just some simple shorts and shirts, undies some bras and socks and toiletries, just the essentials. But I did buy one thing I probably didn't need, some thigh-high boots, I fucking loved them. As soon as I saw them I knew I had to have them.

I walk into the bathroom and run a bath filling it with body wash to make bubbles, I get in and close my eyes letting my body relax with the hot water, I wash my hair and quickly shave. Later I get out and make my way back to the bed, I lay down and stare at the roof. What am I going to do from now? Maybe I can find another job here for a while. But do I want to stay here or do I keep going? And if I keep going how long do I stay here in case Jax actually comes to find me?

A thousand voices scream through my mind all at once, I hold onto the sides of my head pulling my hair in the process "STOP" I scream, the voices only getting louder, 'God youre pathetic Harley, he's not coming for you, why would he?' 'You're damaged goods Harley, no one want's something that's that damaged', 'How could anyone want a monster like you' 'God you're pathetic Harley' they repeat on a constant loop. "FUCKING STOP" I scream out again as hot tears roll down my eyes, I start punching my head trying to quiet them to fill there needs for now but it doesn't work, if I have to hurt in order to keep them quiet I'll just have to hurt myself until I find someone worthy of killing.

I get my pocket knife out of my dirty clothes and drag the blade across my thighs, over and over and over again until the warm crimson liquid begins to puddle at the bottom of my feet, I make my way to the bathroom to clean up my damage, the voice's in my mind now silent, at peace, finally.

I go and sit on the bed once more, I look over to the clock on the wall, 9:30 pm. Fuck it I'm going out I need a drink. I make my way into the bathroom and throw some water over my face before drying it and adding some mascara and lipstick, I've never been one for make up the bare minimum is enough for me. I throw my hair into a messy bun and walk back into the bedroom.

I throw on some underwear tucking my pocket knife into the waistband and Jax's oversized shirt on, fuck it I don't need a bra. I grab the thigh-high boots I brought today and put them on before leaving the room and making my way to the main stip.

I don't know what time it was when I got to a club but the place was packed, I didn't need to wait in line long at all, one of the security guards let me in infront of everyone, weird but I don't care. I just want tequila, go hard or go home. I make my way to the bar inside and order 6 shots, the bartender raises his eyebrow but pours them anyways, I shoot them all back and order another 6.

"I don't think you should be drinking that much little missy" I shoot him a death glare, "You're not my fucking carer so how about you do your fucking job and get me what I asked for" He smirked and poured another 6, I shoot them down and throw some notes on the bar before walking off, I make my way into the middle of the dance floor and start moving.

My hips swaying to the rhythm of the music playing, I close my eyes and let my body take over, my hands roam my own body as I get lost in the music. I feel someone walking up to me, I slide my hand up my leg to get my pocket knife ready, they put their hands on my waist and my eyes remain closed, I turn around slashing the knife, hitting him across the arm.