Babysitting The Amnesiac Lycan King novel Chapter 101

Chapter 101

Chapter 101

One shoe.

That’s what I walked back with. Just one fucking shoe, and maybe I was also carrying bits and pieces of my heart as well.

And I wish I could say it was a metaphor, but no. Literally. One shoe on, the other hand gripping the other pair like I’m some deranged Cinderella with swollen eyes and mascara bleeding into her jawline.

Goddamnit, how pathetic do I look right now. Zoe would probably look at me and her face would scrunch up.

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My feet drag across the palace floor, the silence so thick it scratches at my eardrums. It’s already past midnight, everyone is either asleep or hiding from their Alpha King’s rage.

I don’t even make it to my bed. I collapse face–first into the mattress of my sofa and scream. Into the pillow, of course, because I’m still pathetic enough to care about who hears me.‘

“Ah!” I punch the pillow, my voice being muffled by the cotton.

I scream until I’m lightheaded. Until my throat is dry. Until I’m sick of my own damn voice.

Enoch’s still out there. Somewhere. Probably throwing shit at walls. Maybe punching a tree or murdering some political advisor or–fuck if I care.

But I do.

I care so much it’s disgusting. This is what had gotten me here. This stupid attention to everything.

My face is still wet when I flip over, staring blankly at the ceiling like it might have answers. The chandelier above mocks me, sparkling like a fucking dream I never should’ve had in the first place.

All this, it’s a stupid dream and I might as well be back in the Woodridge Pack and even though I was an Omega, things were peaceful. Hell, I would have handled Kallias‘ rejection a whole lot better than whatever this is Enoch and I have right now.

“You just loved.” I feel Eris shifting in my head. The lump in my throat grows heavy and before I knew it, my arm finds their way over my eyes as I wipe a new tear that fell astray.

“That’s the problem,” I whisper. “I loved.”

Eris shifts inside my head and before I knew it, she falls silent. I’m scared. I’m scared of the love I have for him. I know it will ruin me, and I also kn

fully well I will let it.

A knock startles me off the mattress and up to my feet as a very rushing fist bangs at my door. Geez, it’s 1AM, have some decency. I immediately wipe any visible traces of tears In my face.

It’s not even a hesitant one–no courtesy for the broken girl on the other side. Just a swift, sharp tap–tap and then the door cracks open.

“Miss Sinclair,” a soft voice peeps in on the door. One of the maids, the one who always smiles too much. “The Queen Dowager would like to see you.”

I blink. Once, twice. The room spins. It’s past midnight? What in the world is an old woman staying up at this time for?

“Now?” I croak.

She nods.

Of course she does.

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09:44 Thu, 17 Apr (1·

Chapter 101

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

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She closes the door, and I breathe through my nose, march to the mirror with shoulders that weigh like lead, and start fixing the wreckage of my face. I should tell her how her grandson is such a complete asshole.

Maybe then she’d smack him for me.

The woman in the mirror meets my auburn eyes and she looks as tired as I feel. Red–rimmed eyes. Puffiness. A split lip I didn’t even notice from when I bit it too hard holding back my tears.

“Pull it together,” I mutter, tapping concealer under my eyes as if it’ll erase the damn truth. “You’ve survived worse.” I close my eyes, muttering to myself.

Another inhale. Another exhale.

I turn one last time to the room. I’m going to have to think when I’ll be leaving. I’m still not entirely sure what I’m supposed to do with the job the Dowager Queen entrusted me with, but perhaps I can tell her I’m not suitable for it.

I pull my cardigan tighter around my body–hoping I wouldn’t bump with a particular someone in the halls.

Then I leave.

Her quarters are dim, cozy, smelling of its usual lavender and soap. Like old royalty and forgotten wars. The kind of place you whisper in without meaning to.

Goddess, I already did. That’s how this old woman found me.

I knock once.

“Come in, dear.”

The Queen Dowager’s voice is sandpaper and silk. Her spine’s curved now, her cane tapping the floor as she moves toward a carved vanity table, squinting at a cluster of glass jars.

“I can’t seem to find my medication,” she mutters, frustrated. “Your eyes are young–come. Help an old woman before I lose my remaining sanity.”

I almost smile. Almost.

I walk over, taking the jar from her hand. “You sure it’s not one of these?”

“No. Those are for my bones. This one’s for sleep.” She huffs, lowering herself onto the couch with all the grace of someone used to ruling nations. She’s once a queen, alright. “I swear these jars multiply just to mock me.” I smile at her, although I’m pretty sure it doesn’t reach my eyes..

“How about you go back to bed, I’ll look for it.” I suggest. She turns to me and nods as I lead her back to the sheets, taking her cane after she sat down. I settle her onto the cushion, still sitting up onto the headboard.

The silence is comforting. Maybe this is just exactly what I need.

I turn around and walk back to the table. I find the correct label, pick up the tiny capsule, and turn around again to grab the cup of water–only to freeze when I hear her next words.

“Is it about Enoch again?”

My breath stutters.

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09:44 Thu, 17 Apr

Chapter 101

The cup wobbles under my grip, water sloshing over the edge.

“How did you-“I start, voice too small. I hate how it sounds.

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She chuckles, soft but knowing. “You may be quiet, girl, but grief doesn’t whisper. It screams in the spaces between words.”

I hand her the cup. My hands shake. This woman knows everything, I swear. I can’t even hide what just happened.

She takes it gently. Her fingers are cool but firm, the skin worn like paper from years of surviving shit I probably couldn’t imagine.

“I’m fine,” I lie, chuckling for the act.

She doesn’t blink, however which tells me she’s absolutely not buying my shit. “You’re not. Sit down before you fall down.” Her voice is hoarse as she downs the melatonin pill I gave.

And for once, I don’t argue.

I sit. Right beside her on the edge of the bed. She doesn’t look at meas she sips the water and pats the seat like she’s inviting me to crumble.

I’ve already done a couple of times tonight. I really don’t wan to-

“Tell me,” she urges. Fuck it, this woman gets me.

“I…” My throat catches. I swipe under my eyes before I can stop myself. I recall everything that’s happened in the past two hours, and before I knew it, the words slip out of my lips.

“I think I’m done.”

She hums. “No, you don’t.”

“I do,” I whisper. “I’ve tried. So hard. I’ve waited. I’ve hoped. I’ve bent myself backwards for him. I gave him everything, and now there’s nothing left for me to give.”

“Is there really no more?” She sips again, eyes on the windows. I always thought it’s a bit rude for that. But, right now, all I could think about is how much comfort not having those eyes scrutinize me right now.

“Your grandson… he walked into my heart as if he belonged there. I let him take down my walls, and then… he lit my soul on fire.” I murmur, fiddling with my fingers and she finally turns to me.

“That’s not the girl I know,” she says, eyes sharper than they should be for her age.

I laugh bitterly. “You don’t know me.”

She turns. Really looks at me. “I know enough. I knew who you were the moment you barged into my room the first time all those weeks ago. When you thought you were lost. You weren’t.”

I blink, immediately looking up at her. “What?”

“Your name isn’t Sinclair, isn’t it?” She smiles. “I can tell a Lancaster in a blink of an eye.”

My blood runs cold. She… knows me?

“W–when I first came in, you-”

“I knew you.” she cuts me off, staring into my eyes.

She smiles as if reading mt thoughts, “Your father–George. He led the northern front in the war with my son, the former

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09:44 Thu, 17 Apr.