Betrothed To The Mafia Lord novel Chapter 59

Sofia’s POV

I scrolled through my phone, through the list of results that had come up after I had looked up ‘the things a married woman can do to pass time’ on safari. It had brought forth a bunch of things I had no thought of doing, and most of it contained taking care of babies– where would I find a baby to take care off? And that sounds really stressful, I wanted to do something I was going to really, really love doing.

It would have been easier for me if I had been allowed to do any of my hobbies back when I was growing up at home, but my father disagreed the moment I had brought the topic up, even before I could finish speaking.

And that had been the end of it for me. Until this morning when it occurred to me that I could be doing something I like, something I’d have passion and zeal to do… Well, that is it, Luca was going to agree and give me the permission to do it, instead of disagreeing like my father had done instantly, years ago.

I wanted to start doing something. It occurred to me after I watched Luca drive out of the compound. He has a job to do, lots and lots of work to do. He was really important in his various places he worked at, and let’s not forget the meetings and appointments and all that.

I wanted to feel useful too, even though it’s just for myself for now, because I obviously do not have any friends yet and also don’t know how long I’ll have to wait until I get the opportunity to meet and become friends with a girl I come to like.

I shifted from my spot on the couch and rolled onto my stomach before continuing to scroll down a particular answer which google had produced after I had tried looking up another thing which was very similar to the first one.

I was super tired of scrolling for hours and finding nothing reasonable on the internet which I could start doing, that I really liked. Most of the things on the list were all about money and I don’t even want people’s money. I wanted to start doing what I loved doing and it isn’t even about me making money off people, I have more than enough money with me, and that was coming from someone who has a black card that has no limit.

I was about to exit safari when it still didn’t end up giving me what I was looking for, when I saw an article on the second to the last row of results and I clicked on it after a few seconds of hesitation.

What could it hurt at this point?

I started reading the article and sat up from my sprawled out position, a slow feeling of excitement starting to build in the depths of my stomach as I read the article carefully, trying not to skip any of the details in it from my excitement.

The article was about young girls who got married off against their will at a young age, and I happen to fall into that particular category, which made me more intrigued in the article.

It all started with the person who had written the article explaining the pain she suffered in the hands of her husband in the bedroom.

I paused when I got to that part and felt my heart stuttered a little, knowing that at this point, I was only lucky to have been married off to Luca compared to someone else in the mafia– who might have made my story completely similar to that of the woman who had written the article.

I continued the article, feeling pity for the woman who had written this article down when the bad things she faced in her marriage immediately after she got married only seemed to be lengthening. I was tempted to stop reading the article at a point since I didn’t want to start feeling sad and depressed on behalf of a million other girls that have been married off against their wills, and are currently going through hell in the hands of their husbands, compared to my own story.

Now that I think about it, maybe my situation wasn’t as bad as I used to think it was at first.

I continued to read the article and was super glad I hadn’t stopped reading at one point, because now, the writer was introducing what those young set of girls could do if they’re in that kind of situation she was in at a point.

She started off by vividly explaining the exact way I used to feel on most days after I got married. About how I’d be feeling useless on most days and how it would seem like my life was slowly coming to an end when all we had to do was to wake up, eat, prepare ourselves for your husband in the night.

My own story wasn’t completely similar to the writer’s, but the feeling of me seeing myself as something useless and disposable because I was off no use had never left my mind completely, after our wedding night when he hadn’t taken my virginity.

I mean, if he had done that at least, I’d have known that he probably wants me to hear him a child, which would mean that he’d want me around to take care of his children – which means I was useful for that one thing at least, and pretty indisposable.

Compared to me who hadn’t ever satisfied him in bed sexually– he probably doesn’t even want a child yet, if not, he’d have done what he had to do to get me pregnant on our wedding night.

I was pretty useless to me for now.

Why was I even thinking about all these now? It wasn’t like I wanted him to come and put a baby in me… because I honestly didn’t want that. I still felt like a child sometimes, where everything would seem so gloomy and blurry, all I wanted on days like those was to be petted and cuddled and treated like a child.

I had started having those carvings a few days ago after I sustained that injury and had been pretty much dotted on by everyone, including Luca… and I had later admitted to myself that I loved that feeling of someone dotting on me and taking care of me a lot more than I was ready to admit to myself.

So, I still felt like a child myself and wouldn’t be able to handle birthing a child and taking care of them… that sounded like a lot of physical and emotional work.

I continued off from the part I had paused on the article and continued reading, silently absorbing it all into my head. She started off by explaining that as a girl child, we didn’t need to only live in the shadows of our husbands since this was a new age and the world was already lengthening their knowledge of almost everything, except the equality of male and females.

She continued and I quote’

‘Although you’re married as a girl child, doesn’t mean all your past dreams while growing up have to come to an end immediately. Getting married off to a man against your own will can look like that’s the end of the world, but believe me when I say that it isn’t. We’ve all just have to make the best of what we have on ground at the moment.’

I paused and rested my head against the backrest of the couch, absorbing all that I’ve just read and seeing a huge point in all that the writer had written down… it was all just starting to overwhelm me a little.

I sat up once again and proceeded to continue what I was reading, nodding my head along with the next few paragraphs even though I was fully aware that I was reading it and that the writer wouldn’t be able to see me through my phone screen.

‘Some of your husbands might be a bunch of assholes and honestly there’s nothing you can do about it if they turn out to be like that. I wouldn’t lie to you or deceive you by convincing you that there’s something you can do to change them, because honestly there isn’t. If a man isn’t going to be wicked, he isn’t going to be and whoever amongst you girls gets married off to a nice man is one lucky girl.’

I gawked on my lower lips as the last part of the paragraph I had just read sank into my mind.

Luca wasn’t wicked.

At least, he wasn’t wicked to me, because I’ve heard way too many rumors about him to be sure of whom to believe at this point now that I was seeing him from a different point of view as each day passed, which were way different from the one I had been expecting to be greeted with.

He wasn’t wicked to me yet– at least, that means I was still luckier than a lot of girls, right?

I decided to continue with the article from where I had paused at and ghosted my eyes over the last long looking paragraph.

‘As you’ve all seen for yourselves at this point, we’re being caged in the house almost every time, which means there’s only a little thing we could do that they’re going to give us permission to be able to do. We’re going to have to work with what we have at our hands. How does that work? If you’re part of the set of fortunate girls amongst us here, these are the lists of things you can start to do. These lists of works are not for you to take all of them seriously, they’re for you to have another more important reason for waking up in the morning. It’s also so your whole life wouldn’t be centered around your husband, trust me when I say that, that can be depressing as hell.’

I started to chew on the side of my lips once again as I absorbed all what I was reading, seeing a lot of sense in all what whoever this person was had written down in this article. Although I wasn’t even up to a week into the marriage yet, it honestly is starting to feel a little depressing that I don’t have something I need to wake up to.

At least, compared to when I was at home, I had books I’d read and wrote tons of reviews on each one of them during the day. I also had school to wake up to. There was also my younger brother, who was my biggest priority whom I wake up to everyday – making sure he was fine and dotting over him as best as I could so he wouldn't have to feel the loss of a mother’s love too much the way I did while growing up.

I knew perfectly well that I couldn’t measure up to the amount of love and care he’d have received assuming they had come directly from our mother, but I did the best I could do seeing as I was only three years older than my younger brother, and completely sure that he appreciated all that I did for him while growing up, and had always made sure to express his love and gratitude to me in the privacy of our rooms.