Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M novel Chapter 488

Emma

I was back in therapy with Mia. I still can’t believe that I went to Calvin’s office and apologized. If I am being honest, when it comes to Calvin, I’ve never done anything so bold before.

“Emma?”

I stop staring at the wall and focus on Mia. My head was still in a mess, but slowly I felt like I was starting to piece things together.

“Yes?”

“You were telling me that you apologized to Calvin,” she pushes her glasses up her nose.

The humidifier made soft noises as it pushed the calming scent of lavender into the surrounding air. I felt relaxed. I felt like I was floating. Maybe it was time for me to invest in aromatherapy because, so far, I liked how it made me feel.

“Yes, I did,” I answer after pulling myself from the hazy stupor. “You made me realize that I was wrong in how I treated Calvin and even though I had acknowledged my wrongs, I’ve never apologized to him.”

“And how did you feel after apologizing to him?”

“A bit lighter.”

I thumb my fingers through my hair, before placing them on my lap. I stare at my nails. They were short and plain. Not my usual well done. I don’t even remember the last time I went to get my nails done. That’s how far I’ve let myself go.

“I know it’s a big step you took, and I am proud of you,” she pauses, and I know there is a ‘but’ coming. “But, you have to realize that apologizing may not be enough. You have to accept that Calvin may never forgive you and that’s his prerogative. You can’t fault him for that.”

A sharp pain cuts through my heart as the words leave my mouth.

“How are things different now?”

“I care. I’ve allowed myself to care for him. To love him. I’d continue fighting tooth and nail for a chance to be in his life. I’d push and push, even though deep down I know I should let him have a life away from me given the way I treated him.”

It’s sad really. I was ready to walk away from Gunner and forget he existed. I mean hell, I did walk away. I gave him up. Even when I pictured Rowan and I getting a second chance, I never once pictured Gunner in my life. I didn’t plan on being in his life even then.

Hiding my face in my hands, I try to fight back the tears. I was a horrible mother. But am I really a mother? Just because I gave birth to him doesn’t make me a mother. In his eyes, I’m probably a monster.