Hatred With Benefits novel Chapter 65

PAIGE.

Blondie's eyes go wide after my palm makes contact with her cheek, not exactly feeling the pleasure I hoped it would bring.

"What the fuck did you just do?" She let out as the books drop to her feet and I say, "I smacked you and trust me, I want to do so much more. "

"Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?" She snaps as she lunges towards me and grabs me by the arm. She pushes me till my back is to the wall and before she can lift her hand, I say, "Emerson told me to disappear out of his life. " The motion of her hand stills but she stays rooted to the spot.

"Look here. I know what you think of me. I'm the one who's trying to take someone who isn't mine, " I let out and Eva loosens her hold on me, taking a step back.

I heave a sigh before I continue, "It's not what you think and I'm not here for what you think I'm here for. Emerson and I... We share a bond. To me at least, we do. He was there when I needed someone; he was always there. "

"He was there for you as a good friend; you took it the other way. " She speaks and I shake my head, a soft chuckle leaving my mouth. "You don't understand. " And she truly doesn't. I wouldn't blame her either way. She thinks of this as a woman who's in love with him, not someone who's trying to look at things from my perspective.

"When Emerson and I met; I was escaping from my past and it was meant to be just sex between us. But it turned into something else when he showed me I don't have to be afraid of my past. I don't have to run away from it; not when I could conquer it. He was there, right by my side through every single step. I know he set the rules and I was to keep to it, but it's impossible to not feel something other than casual for someone who saved you, blondie. It's impossible to not fall for the man who held your hand when the rest of the world turned their back on you. Emerson might have not fell for me, but I did. Along with the sex and the comfort he provided, it was easy to break the rules. " I pause to look at her, and a frown still covers her face.

"When I found out about you, I was pissed. Like every rational girl in love with a guy would be when she finds out the said guy loves another. What you saw last night was my emotions getting the better of me. No matter how much I try to explain it, you can't possibly understand because you're not me and you are not the owner of these feelings, but I want you to know that Emerson was there for me first before he fell for you, and it's impossible to not get hurt because of that. It's impossible to not want to do silly things to separate you two. Emerson thought I would be fine with being just friends and I thought so too, but that was until last night. I've been with Emerson in a way I've never been with anyone else and it's hard to let that go. It's hard to not want more from him even when I know he's in love with you. "

"So what are you trying to say?" Blondie interrupts me and I take a step forward, "I'm saying that I can't be with Emerson in the way he wants me to, and he can't be with me in the way I want him to. Which is why I'm leaving. " I never thought I would say those words. But again, I never thought Emerson would tell me to never appear before him again. It hurt. Finding out he is in love with another and wanted to remain friends didn't hurt as much as Emerson asking me to leave his life, but that pain also made me realize what I have to do.

"Leaving?" The confusion in her voice is apparent and I hum, "I never truly understood the depth of his love for you until last night. You're his happiness, blondie and I can't be selfish enough to want to ruin that. I can't do that to him, not after everything he did for me. I found happiness with Emerson, but if his doesn't lie with me, then I have to take a step back because I'd rather let him be happy with someone else, than be unhappy with me. "

The words he uttered last night. The look in his eyes and the truth behind them made me understand Emerson Ford isn't mine to keep. I was on my knees before him, yet all he thought about was her. Wanting to be the bad one after last night is easy, but if there's another thing I can't handle; it's Emerson Ford hating me more than he already does.

"Why are you telling me all these? Why not to him?" She asks and I say, "Because you're the one who matters, and I don't trust myself enough to not lose it if I stand before him. Moreso, Emerson doesn't want to see my face. "

"You amaze me, Paige. I didn't think you were capable of this. "

I let out a cackle at her words. "I tend to do what's least expected of me. "

For the first time since we've crossed paths, blondie smiles at me. A real genuine smile.

She gathers the books from the ground and when she raises to her feet again, she says, "I'm sorry you had to go through that, and whatever it is that you plan to do; I wish you luck in it. " I thought as to what was special about this girl that makes her different from the rest, but standing before her now, I somehow understand why Emerson love her. She radiates positivity... When she doesn't want to chop your head off for messing with her man.

"Hold him, " I call out to her when she's steps away and she turns around to meet my eyes. With a small smile on my face, I say, "I know I have no right to say this, but you should never let go of him, blondie. Emerson is a good man, and I've never seen him in the way that he is with you. "

"You say that as though you wouldn't cross paths again. " She voices out and hearing the words from her hit harder than when I admitted them to myself. I drop my gaze to blink back the tears before I lift my head to her, "Maybe we will. "

She hesitates before she speaks, "Where are you leaving to?"

"Where it all began. The past he taught me to embrace. " After running away at the very last minute, I thought Emerson would be there to catch me as always, but he wasn't. Not anymore. And it's time to learn how to catch myself .

"Oh, and Paige–" Blondie's voice halts my steps and I twist my body to her view, but before I can meet her eyes, she strikes me across the face; the sound deafening to my ears.

"What the fuck?" I shriek, holding onto my cheek as I look back at her and she throws me a small smile, "A parting gift is highly essential. "

"You're crazy. " I proclaim as I watch her turn away, disappearing out of my sight.

"I didn't hit this hard. " I mumble under my breath as I rub the burning skin.

~

EVA.

When I reach the front door, Emerson's car is parked at the usual spot and I take several breathes before I turn the knob and walk through the door. The silence of the room welcomes me as I enter the living room and my gaze moves to the spot where I saw them last night.

Averting my eyes, I step forward and make my way from the living room to where I know I'll find him. I'm about to walk past my room to Emerson's but I stop when I notice the door to my room is only half-closed. I pace towards it and push the door open, striding inside to see Emerson on my bed with my bag on his chest.

The sight makes my heart flutter and I stroll to his side, dropping to the bed as I shake him awake.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" If the worry in my voice for the woman doesn't come as a surprise to me, it definitely does for Emerson. I didn't think there would be a day or a time when I would be concerned about Paige, but life is truly full of surprises. Sometimes, we feel we know everything, when we in fact know nothing. And sometimes, we're always quick to judge other people without knowing their entire story. Paige's story is no excuse for the way she reacted, but it's an anchor for it and in a way, I understand her because we're all fucked up one way or the other and we all have different ways of dealing with the bad parts of our lives. I saw her as a bad person, but she's yet another victim of life struggles. As we all are. Her only mistake was falling for the man who was everything she needed and in that way, I see myself in her.

"She's stronger than she looks. She'll be fine. " He assures me and I nod before I push forward to press my face to the side of his neck. "I'm sorry for behaving that way. " My voice is muffled against the skin but he manages to catch it.

"No, Diva. You don't get to apologize. I'm the one who's sorry for making you see that. I made the mistake of letting Paige believe I'll be there forever, and I hurt you in the process of trying to amend that mistake; I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry. " He voices out and I pull back to look into his eyes, "You had good intentions. "

"I did, " he agrees. "But the line I placed between us wasn't clear enough. I feel so fucking shitty knowing I did nothing, but–" I press a finger to his lips, silencing the rest of his words.

"Don't. She has overcome her fear and she is out there, doing what should have been done. Sometimes, things don't always go the exact way we want them. " I raise a shoulder and he smiles against my finger, his tongue darting out to lick the digit.

"Emerson!" I'm quick to withdraw my hand as I glare at him and he laughs, his head falling against my shoulder.

"It isn't funny!" I scowl at him and he raises his head with a smile covering his face, "It is. "

"I hate you. " I seethe and his smile gets wider as he presses me closer. "I love you. "

"I hate you. " I repeat the word, trying to hold back a smile when Emerson's grin drops and a frown takes its place.

"You love me. " He says, pushing his face closer till my entire space is filled with him. "Say it, Eva. Say the words. "

"I hate you. " I taunt him, then I say, "I love you. "

The sound of my laugh echoes across the room as Emerson attacks my face and neck with kisses; the contact of his lips making my skin tingle in all of the wrong places.

"Emerson!" I whine as I throw my head to the back with my hands on his shoulders. "Stop. " The word manages to break through my giggles.

After minutes of Emerson's playful attack and laughing till my cheek burns, he finally leans back. "I love you, Diva. "

"I love you, Emerson. " And he flips us after those words, pressing my back to the bed with his body hovering over mine as he captures my lips in his. And my heart in his hold. All. Over. Again.