Hatred With Benefits novel Chapter 76

EMERSON.

"This place still looks the same. " I say to Eli as I walk inside the house and he lets out a chuckle as he closes the door. "You know I hate having different things often. "

"Except women. " I mumble as I turn back to meet his eyes and he's loosening the button by his wrist. "Now come on, brother. Just because you got lucky to find one woman you love doesn't mean you weren't once like me. "

I smile and look away from him, my eyes moving across the couch, and I see myself walking inside my living room with Eva sitting right there. My smile drops and I look away. Elias notices the change in my mood and he furrows his brows at me, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just remembered something. " I tell him and he hums before he strides into his kitchen while I follow behind him. He opens the fridge and what I see is her in her shorts with a smile on her face as she opens the refrigerator to get one of her favourite flavours of ice cream. She's here. She's everywhere. Every small action. Every single one; I see her.

"Em, are you sure you're okay?" I lift my gaze to Elias standing in front of me and I shake my head, the words leaving my mouth before I can control them. "Don't call me that. "

"What?" Confusion is laced through his voice as he speaks, and I brush my hand down my face, cursing under my breath. "Emerson?" That soft tone she uses.

"Are you okay?" I flinch at the touch of Elias to my hand and he takes a step back.

"I'm sorry, " I mumble as I lower my gaze from his. "I'm sorry. I— I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. She calls me like that, and I–"

"It's fine. I know what you mean. " He responds and my chest drops as I slide into the seat by the island, dropping my hands on it. Elias moves in front of me and opens his mouth, "It's hard, isn't it?"

"Not any harder than it'd be for her. " I whisper and he remains silent for a while, with his gaze fixed on mine before he breaks the silence. "You didn't bring any clothes?"

"I didn't. " I confirm and he says, "Why?"

"I didn't think it was necessary. " I respond with a lift of my shoulder and Eli narrows his eyes at me, "You were coming here, far away from home and you didn't think it was necessary to bring your clothes?" No. I thought I'd be better if I didn't take anything from that room. Maybe she'd see this as something else, rather than leaving. I thought that'd be another assurance for her to know that I'll be back.

"I realized your clothes would be of better quality. " I say to Elias and he shakes his head, a small laugh leaving his lips. "You haven't changed. "

"If I do, you wouldn't like me anymore. " I tell him and he laughs again; louder this time. The sight of my brother laughing brings a smile to my face and when our eyes meet, the sound slowly dies down and he says, "I've missed having you around, kiddo. "

"Don't call me that. " I throw him a frown and his lips curves into a smirk. "Why not? Aren't you a kid?"

"I'm not. I'm fucking twenty. " I say and he tilts his head. "Still sounds like a kid to me. "

"Elias. " I drawl his name and he does the same to mine. "Emerson. " Once again, the mood drops because it's that sound. It is, and I can't decide if it's echoing in my head, or it's across the whole room.

"This girl—" Elias starts to speak and I lift my gaze to him again. "What's she like?"

A smile touches my lips as I say, "Beautiful. Truly beautiful. And extremely stubborn. "

"Sounds like someone I know. " Elias cuts in and I pass him a glare, earning a laugh from him before I continue. "She makes me feel this way— I can't explain it, but it's like she's within me. It sounds like something that would be impossible but I just have it with her. I don't know. She's just there and I— I always want to have that. " I match his gaze. "You don't understand that, do you?"

"I don't. " He agrees and I smile, "You will once you find someone that makes you feel the exact way. "

"I think we both know by now that I'm not the type to look for such things, little brother. " He says, finally taking a swig of the beer in his hand before he gestures it to me and when I refuse, he says, "Did the girl take away your sense of drinking amongst other things?"

"She took everything. " I tell him and he scrunches his nose, "Yikes. Sounds like something I wouldn't want to experience. "

"I pray you find the girl that knocks you off your feet pretty soon. " I say and he shakes his head, walking around the island to get to my side, "I'd bet that there's no such girl on this planet. You might have fallen, brother but that doesn't mean the same thing will happen to me. I'm better off this way. "

He takes a step out of the kitchen and I move from the stool, folding my arms to my chest as I lean against the wall. "Why? You're satisfied living this way?"

"I can remember you were once. " He says as he takes his seat on the couch and I push myself off the wall to walk behind him, "I wasn't. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I was always looking for love— I just never thought it was right beside me the whole time. "

"Don't bore me with the love speeches, Emerson. I'll doze off. " He mutters and I chuckle as I jump over the couch to settle next to him. "My point is, maybe you do need someone to—"

He doesn't let me finish before he interrupts. "I have you, and that's more than enough for me. That'll always be more than enough for me. Well was—" he angles his head and when I arch my brows, he says, "When you weren't delivering those love speeches. "

I shake my head and nudge him with my elbow, earning another laugh from him.

We both stare into the air with Elias taking swigs of his beer before he tosses the bottle to the side. "But it wasn't just that, was it?"

"Uh?" I drop my gaze to his and he's staring ahead of him. "Dad. There's something else you haven't told me, isn't there?"

I look away from his face, blinking once at the understanding of those words. "Why'd you think that?"

"Because you can't keep anything from me. I knew you were holding back something else when you mentioned his name. "

"It's better left unsaid. " I whisper and I can feel his eyes on me from the corners of mine. "What did he say?"

"Nothing of importance. " I shrug and he grabs my arm, turning me to meet his eyes. His voice is harsh when the next words come out, "Tell me, Emerson. What did that man say to you?"

"You honestly don't have to worry about it, Eli. I'm—" he silences the rest of my words with his. "I want to know. "

"Why?" I finally ask, "Why did he leave her?"

"I don't know. " She sighs, tearing her gaze from me. "He has never done this before so I don't know what happened between them, or why he left her and Evie isn't talking either. "

"Thank you, Aliya. Will you be staying?"

She nods. "I can't leave her. "

"Alright, sweetheart. You know your way around the house if you need anything, and I'll be in my room if you have troubles with anything. "

"Thank you, Ma. " She says and I smile, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze and taking a glance at the door before I walk out of sight.

When I stride inside my bedroom, Matt is standing by the window with his arms folded to his chest and I stroll to his side, touching his arm to alert him. He turns to me with a face masked with worry, "How's she?"

"She doesn't want me in; Aliya is with her. "

He sighs, and wipes his palm down his face. I take a swallow before I speak, "Do you think we're bad parents?"

Matt snaps his head to meet my eyes. "What? Why'd you say that?"

"Because we are? She was here, Matt. She warned us about this, and we failed to listen to our daughter. We failed to give her the support she wanted, and now she's like this—"

He shakes his head and lifts his hand to cup my face. "Delilah. I don't want you to think like that, please. "

"We should have listened, Matt. " I cry to my husband and the pain in his own eyes for his daughter is unmistakable. "We should have given her what she wanted. If we had done that, instead of letting the rivalry between you and Mason get in the way; maybe this would have been stopped. Maybe it wouldn't have to come to this. "

"I don't know what to say, Del. The boy left her. " He says and I sniffle before I speak again. "And that was influenced by our decision. We could have stopped this. We could have stopped it all, and now it's— now she's like this and I... I'm so scared, Matt. I'm so fùcking scared. "

"Breathes, Delilah. Breathes. " He whispers as his thumb strokes my cheeks and I cover his hands with mine. "I saw it. She was that way again; she didn't talk. She didn't look at me. She didn't even want me by her side. I've seen this before, Matt. It's like history repeating itself. It's like the whole Lena incident happening again, and I don't know what to do. I can't have her like that again. I can't lose my baby like that again. "

"Shhh, Del. Come here. " He says, pulling my hands to bring me into his chest, and even his warmth isn't enough to take the pain that I feel. No doubt the pain that we brought upon ourselves. "She'll be fine. Eva is a strong girl and she'll be fine and we'll be with her through every single step. "

"She doesn't want us to. " I sob into his chest, my body trembling against his and he strokes my hair as he says, "We will. Even if she doesn't want us to, we will. We've failed her once, but we'll not repeat that mistake. We'll be with her, love. Our daughter will be fine; we'll make sure of it. "

"I can't—" I mumble, rubbing my head against his chest. "I can't lose her. She's all that there is. "