Lost in You novel Chapter 64

I can't tell how I feel when I am watching my loved ones grieve for me at my funeral.

Maybe I would make them think that I really die and will never show up again as Carolina.

James, will you feel sad for my death?

I hide myself very carefully so that no one could notice me. I quietly look at them. ‘I’ am buried in the grave, and James stands in front of my grave for a long time.

There is no one else here, only me and him.

He stands there quietly, staring at the photo on my grave.

"Carolina, I don't believe you are dead. You must be kidding me." Finally, he speaks, and I hide in the distance, listening to his faint voice. He seems to be suppressing something.

The wind rushes from all directions and roars, as if it is mourning for me.

"I'm sorry," James says again, his voice trembling, "I'm sorry."

I don't know why he is apologizing. Maybe it is because of my dad's death, or our love. But now, it doesn't matter anymore.

I will be born again. James, just wait for me.

In fact, I hate him, and I hate Isabel even more.

But what I feel more is unwillingness. I can’t accept that I can’t control my life. Why should I be controlled by others all the time? From now on, I must lead my own life.

James leaves until the night falls. I watch him walk into the night little by little, as if he is walking out of my life.

From now on, I will no longer be the Carolina before.

I return to the South State at night, where I will start my new life.

At the beginning, my life is very difficult. I have no money, nor do I have ID card, because my identity has been canceled. I could only do some illegal jobs which don’t require an ID card, and I could not earn much money. I hide in a rundown urban area and eat steamed bread every day. Even though I could barely keep body and soul together, I still have hope for the future.

One day I will definitely come back with another identity to revenge. I want to make those who have depressed me taste the bitter tears as I did.

I bite the bullet and get along. I devour the unpalatable food, and swallow it without chewing. Revenge is now the only thing to support me to hold on.

"Hey! I didn't expect to meet you here." When I do the cleaning in a hotel, someone pats on my shoulder. I look back and find that it is Morley.

"What a coincidence!" I greet him in surprise. He has helped me a lot before.

"The previous clothes... I'm sorry. Because something happened to me, I must leave immediately, and I haven't returned it to you." I apologize.

Morley says, "It's okay. But I didn't expect to meet you here. It's really unexpected."

He smiles very brightly, showing his lovely canines, and I couldn't help being moved by his smile. I smile at him. This is the first time that I have smiled from the bottom of my heart after death.

It is Morley who helps me apply for the ID card. I use an ID card that remains uncancelled of a dead woman. I don't know how he got the card for me, but the woman actually looks a bit like me.

I didn't ask him how he got it, nor did he tell me. He just says, "This is your new identity."

His identity is also a mystery, just like mine. I didn’t ask about him, and he never asks about me.

I have a lot of things I can do with my ID card. For example, I can go back to my previous industry and work hard to make money.

But soon I find that my body goes amiss. I always feel sleepy and disgusted, and my period has not come yet.

After the examination, I find out that I am pregnant for three months.

Suddenly I remember that I didn’t take contraceptive last time I slept with James. I don't know if it is good or not to keep this baby.

I stroke my belly, feeling anxious.

What to do?

The baby is James’s. I feel sorry for the baby I lost last time, but I couldn't afford to raise a child in this situation.

But I can feel it growing up in my belly.

Suddenly I want to give birth to the baby. Will he look like the man I once loved?

Maybe only when I see this kid can I be sure whether I still love James, and whether I can really let go of him.

Five years later.

I am no longer the same Carolina before. My name is Nida Carl and I have a whole new life.

"Miss Carl, this is Miss Clara from Sky Sea Press. Sorry to bother you, but I would like to ask when the final chapter of Deep Love can be handed in. The readers have been urging us." Clara says carefully, "Please, Miss Carl, could you hand in these few days?"

"Okay." I blurt out. In fact, I have finished it and am polishing it.