Lost in You novel Chapter 8

This is shameful, but such shameful feelings have given me a feast for carnival.

Hiding everyone in a kind of despair, this despair brings me a sense of pleasure. I spurn myself, deeply disgust myself, but there is no way, I am addicted to him.

I am holding James, but he doesn't know my despair.

"What should I do?" I stare at the light above my head, yelling for help.

James's hot eyes seem to burn me, I dare not look at him, I dare not let him know all the truth.

"Stay with me!" He captures me with affection, but I couldn't say yes.

I hug him with all my strength, "I'm sorry."

He gasps and asks, "Why?"

"Perhaps this is the most exciting." I smile palely.

"We only have sex, and nothing is involved in it, only this is the happiest." My fingers gently on his back, as if playing a sad piano song, I say in a loss, "That’s it."

James looks at me puzzled.

I as annoyed that he flirted with other women the moment before, and at this moment I say that you and me are not relevant, and I feel that I am inexplicable, as if playing a trick.

James tightens his face, "Do you think I play with you?"

The loving feeling of sex is still there, but I have nothing but self-blame, self-loathing, and deep apologies.

"Sorry. I am sorry." I wrap myself in a quilt.

For a long time do I hear James say, "What are you afraid of? I can't understand you."

As a result, we break up in unhappiness.

It's all my fault. What did James do wrong?

At dawn, I will put on my mask and start living.

"Since I said you could find a man, you have been away from home every night." Neil smokes on the sofa without raising his head, and there is a kind of despair in the room.

"I try to have a child. Don't you want a child who can prove that you can have a child? You also need a child who can compete with Nash for a family property." I say coldly.