Submitting novel Chapter 16

I have always wondered if it's better to be sad for a reason or to be sad without any reason.

When I lived with Liza, I was happy. Peaceful. Content. She made me feel normal and laugh at things which were not funny at all. Yet somehow I would find myself being sad sometimes. I couldn't find a particular reason why but the heaviness that used to  possess my body made it difficult to do even the basic necessities of life. Somedays they were easier to handle and somedays they suffocated enough to make me knock myself out with sleeping pills just because the reality was too undesirable.

I just didn't want to live.

Now that I have a reason, I know that things can be always worse this way as well. Not being able to literally move or have the basic necessities snatched away without any consent. The comparison between both seemed hard still. Because like the former...

I just don't want to live.

Ivan sat on the toilet seat with his leg crossed over and his hand clasped together on his knee. Staring with an unbothered gaze at my disheveled and bathing self as I sat in the tub with my robe still on. It wasn't much of a shield against anybody's prying eyes but better than my naked form which was my only other option.

I should've, could've denied to take a bath but the scalding warmth felt too good against my sore body to pass it off. It also happened to be the only reason why I let Ivan be in the bathroom so that he could help me get out just like he helped me get in.

"I don't know if you really know what you say sometimes. Or if you are too narcissistic to have empathy and understanding." I closed my eyes and let my head lean against the rim of the claw foot tub while trying too hard to not lose my cool.

"Oh Rosie, I should be the one saying that! Though in your defense you only get to see  what you are shown. You see, when I lost the bet to him I had to be his butler and do anything and everything he asks me to do. Those were the conditions without which he wouldn't have played this game at all. That boy is one hard nut to crack and have fun with haha!" A laugh of ridicule echoed in the steamy bathroom as the scent of vanilla from the clear water in the tub whispered in the air.

I was kind of delighted when he brought up that topic about their sick game again as I couldn't get as much information from him before as I wanted to.

"Being a butler meant doing whatever he asked me to do which by default meant that I had to make sure you tried nothing extra with that little fiesty spark of yours. It was my duty to keep an eye on you and ofcourse be a slave of his and do the chores of the house but the main task was you! So guess what the angry old master did when he found out about your surprise experiment? He punished me as well." My eyes shot open and I looked at him. Properly and keenly this time.

He didn't have a black eye, nor any visible cuts. No visible bandages or any physical harm at all that caught my eye. He looked his jolly self except...a little pale. His fingers looked unnaturally white and his once well fitted butler's suit sat loosely on his form.

"How long have I been asleep?" To me it felt that all the madness happened a few minutes ago and I was knocked out for just a  meer few seconds as the pain all too alive coursed through my body like electric.