Submitting novel Chapter 39

“You are seriously asking that?’ Perhaps Dimitri’s question was not meant to be heard by me. It was addressed more to himself than to me, but I was still on an adrenaline rush, and I was not going to drop any chance to express my opinions. This kind of fuelled energy came to me after a long time in the form of fiery rage and needless to say, it was a lot easier to carry than the awful heaviness.

This adrenaline rush, excitement at the sheerest spark of hope was shocking to me. It explained how puny us humans are, who get swayed so easily if a prospect of something favourable comes up. And I was no different.

Dimitri shut the door behind him as quietly as he could and walked away with squeaking floorboards in his wake. A clear indication that the path was clear but too risky to tread on at the moment. All the liars were still awake and aware. I needed them to be asleep so that I could stealthily walk away from here without being caught. At least he was not suspicious of the several possibilities that raced through my head. A plan to master the escape that I was about to perform.

My heart had almost stopped when I felt that draft of cold, biting wind coming from the hallway downstairs. I almost thought that I was imagining it because these people never crack a window open in this house and that is not because of the deathly cold outside but to ensure that there is no possible opportunity for me to escape. To trap me inside like a puny little animal, a pet of theirs with whom they can play as much as they liked.

A lifeless and immobile doll in a doll house.

I took a deep breath and looked down at myself. More specifically at my feet which triggered nothing but fear. What if I am unable to move? I haven’t walked in a very long time, and Dimitri has been the one who carried me everywhere since the time I had been bedridden. Funny how mental contusions can cripple you physically just as much as any bodily injuries. Perhaps more.

But now, I had to move.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my feet. They taunted me, or rather the foresight of failure that I had. Of course, I always assumed that the worst is always bound to happen before it has happened already, but that’s only because my past experiences taught and treated me so. This first step, the first try, is always the hardest, with failure echoing in my mind endlessly.

I took a deep breath again, as if that would somehow bring back the days when I was able to move at least and walk. And I closed my eyes, too afraid to look at the failed attempt which it was going to be.

Thus, I was proved right. Just like always, I didn’t succeed. What was worse, was that I couldn’t cry either. No matter how much I twisted my face at the agony of the failure, all I felt was numb at this cruel situation I was posed. Perhaps my best bet at freedom, and I can’t even grab it all because I already lost mentally.