TABOO novel Chapter 34

" Why don't I orgasm, Tessa?" I asked my best friend as I stuffed pizza into my mouth.

  I shouldn't be having pizza, considering the fact that I was slowly gaining weight these past weeks and I have been avoiding the gym lately. My hips are getting bigger, including my butt, plus the stretch marks around my hips and butt weren't doing any good. And the worst were the love handles, they were becoming more obvious. 

  Tess looked up from her salad, staring at me with a confused look and raised eyebrows.

" I thought you've worked out a solution for that." She said, dropping her fork and reaching for her glass of milkshake.

  I sighed, dumping my pizza and wiping my hands. I was exhausted and pissed at myself. I was twenty three, in my final year of college, and yet I didn't know what it felt like to have a real orgasm. The real problem is this. When I was eighteen, I gave my virginity to this asshole in highschool, and when the did was done, I didn't orgasm. Nothing. No squirt, no orgasm at all. I just thought maybe he wasn't that good with his dick, and truthfully I was right. He was a complete jerk and he didn't know how to fuck. All his past girlfriends testified to that. And then I entered college, freshman year, I dated this guy, he was a junior in the same college with me and well we had sex. He was the second guy I ever had sex with after I lost my virginity.

  The second guy was good, unlike the dickbag who took my virginity, but surprisingly I didn't orgasm. Not even a little squirt. And the weird thing Is that I didn't even enjoy it that much and the guy was pretty good. I started questioning my sexual orientation, thinking maybe I was a lesbian, but that wasn't true. I wasn't a lesbian, I was straight as they come. Hell, I even tried the whole lesbianism stuff one time, and it was weird. Sometimes when I touched myself, I always enjoyed it and when I'm lucky I could orgasm, and I'd cry when climaxing. But the minute a guy puts it in, it's just different from when I stroked my clit. At the begining of every of my sexual experience, I sometimes enjoy it, then a few thrusts in and the pleasure is all gone. 

  Tessa advised I stopped dating and hooking up with college boys when I couldn't take it anymore. I listened, hooked up with guys who were workers and guys who earned their own money. Guys who knew their way around the bedroom and what they were doing when it comes to sex, it didn't turn out great. I didn't orgasm. At first I thought the guys were the problem, not until I realized I was the problem. Because who am I kidding? I've hooked up and had sex with promising guys. Guys who truly gave girls orgasms and at the end of the sex, I always faked the orgasm. 

  It was terrible. I've come to terms that I wasn't okay. This was beyond me. This was some kind of medical problem and maybe I needed help. 

" Tess, you of all people know I love sex, but the outcomes are never promising. I've tried everything. Even suggested watching porn with one of my partners as we did it, nothing. I didn't even fucking cum. It was embarrassing." I sighed, licking my lips as I ran my fingers through my hair. 

" God I want that feeling and I'm desperate about it. I want to know what it feels like when a man makes me orgasm. I want that Tessa."

" Fuck. What are you planning to do then?"

" I googled something and I think my own case is kind of a medical thing and I think I need the help of a doctor. So I've booked an appointment."

" An appointment?"

" Yeah. This Friday. I'm driving to the hospital this Friday to see the doctor."

" I wished I could come with you."

" It's fine. You've already made plans with Israel. You don't have to alter your plans for me. I'll be fine, it's just a doctor's visit. I can handle a little question and answer and a little medical advice. In less than an hour, I should be out of there."

  Tessa sighed and nodded. 

" I'm really sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine what it feels like to never experience a true orgasm. God, it's the best feeling." Tessa smirked.

  I bit my lip and rolled my eyes. Of course it's the best feeling. I've endured conversations about orgasm from Tessa and my friends. I was always jealous and at the end of the day, pissed. Tessa was the only friend who knew what I was going through, she was my best friend so I basically told her everything. Tess continued eating as I went through my phone. 

  We paid and left the diner. 

  I hated hospitals right from when I was young. The smell, the cries from sick patients, the sick patients themselves. It's just fucking hard to sit here and not faint yourself in less than three minutes. I have been sitting in the waiting room for nearly forty minutes and my name hasn't been called yet. I was frustrated and even tempted to leave, but I had to talk myself about why I came and that if I was lucky I could get a solution for this.

  When I first came nearly an hour ago, a PCP did a physical examination on me and I was yet to see the results. I stood up, paced around the waiting room as I scanned Twitter and Instagram. I was bored, tired, and pissed. This was the reason I didn't like coming to hospitals. Maybe this was a bad idea. 

" Ms. Andrea Crawford!" Someone called my name. 

  I whirled around at once as I answered. A nurse with a notepad stood behind an open door of an office. 

" Please, it's your turn." She said, gesturing me to enter. 

  I hurriedly entered the office and this nurse shut the door. She glanced at me. 

" Dr. Hawthorne will soon join you." She said and stepped out of the room, not even giving me a second to ask further questions. 

  I glanced around the office, eyeing every piece of furniture. There's an examination bed at the corner of the office. Then his mahogany table, and the office chair. I sat down on the chair opposite of the other chair. Obviously this was where patients sat when they wanted to see the doctor. I pulled out my phone and continued reading tweets in boredom. 

  Suddenly the door opened and I jerked my head around at once. My mouth slightly fell open at the creature that just not so discreetly locked the door to his office. He was wearing a doctor's coat. Dark blonde hair, broad shoulders, olive skin tone. Hell he was sexy as hell. 

" Done checking me out yet, Ms. Crawford?" The doctor asked, smirking at me as he sat himself on the opposite chair facing mine. 

" Um… sorry. That was inappropriate I guess." I chuckled nervously, biting my lip as I stared at this man in front of me.

  His eyes are a deep green like the forest, his nose perfectly shaped. I cleared my throat when I noticed I was staring too much. 

" Sorry."

" It's fine." He smiled at me and began rummaging through his desk. 

" Wait. I had an appointment with doctor Felicia."

" Oh. She's not available today, I'm her substitute. You're okay with that right?" He asked. I nodded. 

" Good. I'm doctor Forrest Hawthorne." He introduced himself as he pulled out a file.

He dropped it on his desk and leaned back, taking his time to stare at me. 

  I wasn't really the prettiest girl out there but I knew I was pretty. I was tall, well not that tall. 5 feet 4 inches. I was a natural redhead, matched with pale skin. I was a little thick, with an average ass and hips. I had boobies. It was one thing God took his time when creating me I think. My breasts were big, and full and right now this doctor was staring at my breasts. I bit my lip and stared at him dead in the eye. He cleared his throat and licked his lips. 

" So uh… Pat gave me your results. And we checked that you're perfectly healthy and there's nothing wrong with you." He said and laced his fingers together, rubbing his thumbs together. 

" So I'm gonna ask about your sexual life and you're gonna be truthful with me, okay. So how active is your sexual life?" He asked. 

  I licked my bottom lip and sighed. This was the part where everything was just plain weird. Talking about my sexual life with a total stranger. He was a doctor and that was his job. So who was I to judge?

" Well. I have had several good sex in the past."

" But you've never had an orgasm? How's that good sex?" He asked, his eyes briefly glancing at my breasts through my dress. 

  I was wearing a red, short tight dress with straps. It has a little low cut neck so my cleavage and my breasts were just spilling out of my dress. It was an inappropriate dress to wear when seeing a doctor, I agree, but I thought I was seeing a female doctor, not a man.