The Billionaire Playboy's Regret (Lark and Max) novel Chapter 44

Max slowly turned Lark in his arms, his heart breaking at the tears on her cheeks. He knew she was feeling rejected. All he wanted was to protect her from making a mistake she would regret in the morning. He couldn’t deny he was also protecting himself. If she ended up hating him for taking advantage of her vulnerability, he’d never forgive himself.

He stared into the blue eyes which with each passing day were becoming an addiction to him and gave a sad smile. ” Please don’t cry. These beautiful eyes should never shed a tear, especially over me.”

“I’m hurt, Max. I don’t understand why you don’t want me.”

He boldly took her hand and placed it on his rigid shaft, feeling the electrical zap from a simple touch her skin on his. It twitched against her palm, and he watched the way she swallowed, and her eyes widened at the brusque movement, ” does this feel like I don’t want you?”

“Men can get excited over a piece of plastic they blow up,” she shrugged not pulling her hand away.

“Baby, this is all you.” He stepped her further under the running water to rinse the mess off his skin from earlier but holding her hand firmly in place. It felt too good. “I promise you, my reluctance to take next steps has nothing to do with me not wanting you. I want you so badly that within less than five minutes of blowing my load all over myself, I’m ready to go again. This isn’t merely some biological reaction to a stimulus. This is me having the woman of my dreams standing in front of me naked as the day she was born and knowing she wants me too.”

“Then why are you hesitating?” her voice cracked as a big tear rolled down her cheek.

His heart was fracturing by the second at the tears. He would never truly understand why it made his heart wrench as desperately as it did when the women he loved cried, but knowing she was hurting because of him almost had him on his knees with the ache.

“Chère,” he brushed her hair off her face as the shower pelted it to her forehead. “Do you remember last Friday night?”

She nodded.

“Do you remember sobbing in my arms because of how much it hurt to even talk about what Doug has done? How you miss him holding you and being with you? How you said even though you knew what he did you still very much missed him and his company?” Her eyes shot away from his at his questions, “do you remember later when we were really drunk on the bourbon and Ollie said you should simply f**k someone else to get Doug out of your system?”

She blinked and then shook her head, “no.” Her dampened eyelashes fluttered several times and then she looked to him in horror as the memory of it must have finally made its way back. “Do you remember Lark when Ollie suggested I simply take you into the bathroom, f**k you good over the counter and make you forget your own name let alone Doug’s?”

“I forgot,” she blushed the beautiful shade of pink he adored so much.

He could tell she was remembering how she brazenly grabbed him by the hand and tried to tug him into the bathroom while Ollie hooted with drunken laughter. He fought his smile, “I wanted to so much, but you told me all you wanted was to forget Doug and to make it stop hurting and all those other girls couldn’t be wrong. You were convinced I could make the pain go away. I admit I was incredibly tempted then. I was even more tempted on Saturday night and honey, right now, I want nothing more than to take this,” he tilted his c**k upwards against her hand, “and fill you up and keep you screaming my name until dawn, but I don’t want it to be because you want to forget.”

“Max,” her bottom lip trembled.

“Honey, I want you to want me for me. I want you to want to remember not to forget. I want you to wake up tomorrow morning in my arms and not think I was a perfect distraction from the hurt which was turning you inside out not a week ago. Do I want to make you feel good? Hell yes. I do. More than anything. I will play as many little games as you want for distraction purposes for both of us,” he kissed her forehead, “but when we make love, Lark and we will, it’s going to be for no other reason than you want to make love with me because it is what your heart wants. I don’t want this to be some horny need out of desperation. Anything less than your heart being fully involved when we make love for the first time isn’t good enough for us. We,” he tapped his fingers to her chest and then his, “isn’t good enough.” “You’re scared,” she whispered not breaking eye contact despite the tears edging the corners.

“f*****g terrified,” he didn’t deny it. “The thing which scares me most in the entire world is losing you again and if we wake up tomorrow, a week from tomorrow, a month from tomorrow and you tell me it was all a mistake because you were trying to assuage an ache then I don’t know how I’ll live with not having you again.”

She pulled her palm away from him and then slowly wrapped her arms around his middle hugging him tight while the shower rained over them. When the sob escaped her chest, he stared up at the ceiling his own tears forming. It was killing him to hurt her.

“I love you Max,” she sobbed against his chest. “Thank for you protecting me, even from myself.”

“I love you too, Lark,” he closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the top of her head. While he knew her words were the same as she uttered countless times in their youth, his were from the bottom of his heart. Not childhood love which was akin to sibling but a love which stood the test of time. “Please forgive me for hurting you. It isn’t what I want. I -” “No,” she shook her head against his chin, “you’re right. I want you Max. I can’t deny it. You’ve been the subject of my childhood dreams for years and I do want you, but my heart is still bruised over the rest of the stuff. I am emotional and irrational and while ninety percent of it is me wanting you, wanting to live out my fantasies with you, ten percent of me isn’t ready. You deserve a hundred percent, Max. I want to give you all of me.” She sniffed against his chest, “even after twelve years apart you still know me best and know I’m not quite there.”