The Lonely God novel Chapter 53

-HER-

A scream is all I hear before I am thrown back with so much force that I hit the courtroom wall, knocking him with me. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold myself from screaming as I feel a tingling on my neck before it's replaced by excruciating pain.

His mark is gone.

I am free... or that's what I thought.

I let out a small groan as I try to get up. The pain in my abdomen from the wound and the burns are still there. I have exhausted all the energy that my body possessed. Vesta is silent inside me. It feels like something has gone missing from inside me.

I am surrounded by black smoke and fire so it's hard to see around. I slowly get up and lean against the wall as I see fire lick every inch of the courtroom. I don't know what happened to Ishtar. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know what happened to me but it feels like everything has ended.

Something in me tells me that I have successfully lifted the curse from Zaeris and that... my bond with Arles is broken. I can definitely feel the latter. I can feel it deep inside me. There is a gaping hole in my chest. It feels like an organ has been ripped out of my body. Suddenly, everything seems light inside, the weight is gone. Or maybe, it's because I am empty now. The warm fuzzy feeling, that low buzz of electricity whenever he is around is gone or maybe he himself is gone. Maybe he left as soon as the curse broke. Maybe, I am not needed anymore.

I don't know what happened but I don't feel what I expected myself to feel.

I expected to feel somewhat relieved. I expected to feel free... free from the shackles of his power and arrogance in the name of the bond. I expected myself to feel satisfied to have ended everything between us and also for keeping my promise of lifting the curse from Zaeris.

Now that I have done the work for them, now that I have done the things he kept me captive for, I am not needed anymore. He doesn't need me anymore. This thought makes my insides ache. I shouldn't be feeling this.

I shouldn't be bothered by whatever happened between us in the past and forget everything and move and have a new life, maybe but I can't help myself from thinking about what we had together. It has ended. Finally. I can't believe this. But isn't this what I wanted? Wasn't it the reason for which I came here in the first place? But now, why does it bother me? Why I am not as happy as I imagined myself to be?

I am surprised by my own emotions. I didn't realize when the smoke cleared a bit. I hear him step behind me.

Him.

My heart starts to race again and I feel a new batch of butterflies in my stomach. I don't know what is happening but this something new. I have never felt this before. Never when we used to be mates. I take a deep breath and face him knowing that he is not my mate anymore. We're not 'us'. There's no 'us'.

As soon as my eyes meet his silver ones, I feel my insides melting into a puddle. I want to go running into his arms but instead of that, I stand at my place and looking at him for the last time before I disappear. I am finding it hard to keep my emotions at bay and I am afraid that some of them will slip through the cracks that he managed to open on my hard surface.

He just stands there and looks at me. There's nothing in his eyes. It's him again. He's not my mate.

The longer I look into his silver eyes, more and more I realize that even though the bond is gone I... I still love him. A part of me still wants us to be together but I am afraid he might not be feeling the same.

The sternness in his eyes and the hard emotion on his face reminds me of a version of him that my seventeen years old crossed once. Cold. Powerful. Ruthless. No remorse. No nothing. Just him.

The lonely god.

Arles.

~

I don't remember anything when I open my eyes. I can't tell if I am dreaming or if I am really awake. I don't know where I am. Darkness surrounds me. The pain from my abdomen is gone. I feel fine but I want to know where I am.

I feel the fabric under me and realize that I am in someone's bed. As I try to sit up, my consciousness starts to come back properly. I am able to recognize his scent in the air instantly. Suddenly, my head snaps to my left to find the big window from where the whole Zaeris is visible.

I am in his room. But where is he?

As if on cue, I see two silver eyes blink in the darkness near the foot of the bed. I stop breathing once. My chest tightens while my stomach dips. It takes some time for my vision to focus on him before I am able to make out his details. He is shirtless, sitting on a chair placed at the foot of the bed.

His eyes are regarding me heatedly, with a possessive look that never existed in them before. They have enough intensity in them to light me on fire.

I can't help but give him the same look. His hard muscles are outlined by the dim moonlight filtering inside the room through the window. He looks so powerful, so beautiful. I am attracted to him without any mate bond. I want him more than ever before.

I want to claim him as mine.

"Why am I here?" I speak, breaking the silence. My voice comes out strong and stern and I am quite grateful for that.

"Because you're still mine,"