There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL) novel Chapter 185

Chapter 185: Chapter 179. Irony

Something to remember his parents...

Zein mulled over those words as he came into the rooftop of the fifth floor. It was a place where the workers usually go for a smoke, even though there was a smoke room available inside. Zein did not smoke a regular cigarette--and the Golden Needle had no odor or harmful residue--but he liked to stare at the blue sky. There was a small tower he could climb where he could lie down hidden from others, just staring at the sky and thinking about...things.

He could borrow one of the private training chambers, but then he couldn’t see the sky there.

So there he was, laying down under the fortunately bright autumn sky, inhaling mana to calm his mind. Again, he repeated Radia’s words.

--Something to remember your parents

Zein hadn’t decided if he would be fine with holding into that. He recalled the heaviness he felt when he saw their wedding picture. Would he be able to face anything else?

He wasn’t sure. But he also couldn’t help but admit there was a small part of himself that wanted to cling to something about his parents, in the way he clung to the name his mother left for him--a string to connect him to them. Ironically, the longing he had for a semblance of connection, as well as the guilt he felt, both stemmed from the vision--the nightmare--he suffered when he touched the core.

Slowly, his fingers crept toward his chest, fiddling with the beads hanging around his neck that he hadn’t been able to take off for five years already.

Yeah...he realized it was five years already. There was no autumn in Araka; the place was constantly bathed in red and was either too hot or too cold. But he remembered it to be near the end of the year, because he passed the borderline unit entrance test just before the new year.

And during all those years, he had never taken the necklace off. It was a constant reminder that he had a life to carry; unfinished business, unfinished life. He had sins, he had debt to pay. It was his connection to his brothers. And however much it tortured him, he clung to it.

If he decided to hold into his parent’s keepsake...would it feel the same? Would it torture him even more?

Zein wasn’t one to get scared easily, but he was scared now.

And he was tired of feeling this. Feeling scared and uncertain about the future. It was funny how his life had become dramatically better than before, and yet, his fear and concern just kept piling up, getting bigger and suffocating him more.

Ironic. His life was just a pile of irony.

"I kept thinking about it,"

Zein suddenly heard someone’s voice from the rooftop. He did hear some people come through the door and smelled the cigarette earlier, but he noticed the voice particularly because he remembered hearing it before. When he raised his head slightly to peer down, he saw two slightly familiar people leaning against the railing, who he noticed were the porters from the last dungeon raid.

"About what?" the other person, who had coffee in his hand instead of a cigarette, asked.

"You know what," the first person, whom Zein recalled was called Hal, replied vaguely.

But his friend seemed to understand what he meant because he responded after only mulling it for a bit. "Ah, you mean...the spirit crystal incident?"

Zein raised his brow. He rolled to his stomach and crouched down, making sure he wouldn’t be seen.

"Yeah," Hal took a drag before continuing with a shudder. "It’s kind of creepy, don’t you think?"

The coffee guy seemed to hesitate for a while, but he finally responded. "Well...you’re right," the man rubbed his neck as if to emphasize the feeling. "I have seen some videos about people being possessed by the spirit and attacking their groups before, but..."

The coffee guy paused, and tHal finished the sentence instead. "But you’ve never seen one where they tried to kill themselves? Yeah, me too."

The two of them fell into silence for a while, before Hal asked with a bitter chuckle. "You know what’s ironic?"

"What?"

"Do you know what the new guide division motto is?" Hal put the cigarette between his teeth and inhaled deeply. When his colleague just stared at him wordlessly, definitely without any answer, he said with a grimace. "’For survival’ they say."

"Survival, huh..." the coffee guy muttered quietly, before shaking his head in a gloom. "Even though their Captain wants to kill himself," he exhaled heavily, before remembering something and slapping Hal’s upper arms. "But, hey--didn’t Sir Vaski tell us not to talk about it?"

"He said not to mention it to anyone, and we’re not," Hal shrugged. "We merely talk about it between us, in an empty place."

"I hope you’re right," the coffee guy pursed his lips. "I don’t want to get into trouble because of this,"

"What kind of trouble could possibly--wait, did you hear something?" Hal suddenly turned his head.

"No?"

Hal narrowed his eyes at the door. He felt like it was shaking slightly--like someone just opened the door and closed it. "Was it the door?"

"It’s not open though," the coffee guy tilted his head.

And it was true; the door did stay closed. Even if someone was coming or going through the door, there should be a sound. After all, people who came here were only normal workers or low-level espers, and none would have the ability to sneak past a door without being found out.

It was probably because the coffee guy said something about them getting into trouble or whatnot. "Damn--look, you made me paranoid," Hal clicked his tongue.

"Hey, I was just saying!"