There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL) novel Chapter 46

Chapter 46: Chapter 45. Where Paths Are Laid

"I...must have been more exhausted than I thought..."

Zein blinked at his dorm room’s ceiling, before staring at the clock that indicated breakfast had passed without his participation. Thanks to that, even though his stomach grumbled, his body felt refreshed.

He had worried that he wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly in the Unit’s regular, hard mattress after spending two weeks laying in Mortix’s bed, but turned out, once he laid his head on the pillow, he went straight to deep sleep, even though he usually slept the latest and woke the earliest.

"No one woke me?" he grumbled, and got up with a yawn. Staring at the SavAsh jacket draped over the bedside cabinet, Zein rummaged through the inner pocket to fish out an energy bar—what was left of the sustenance Bassena left him that night.

Haa...even though he woke up feeling refreshed, his mind still felt like a swirling mess.

Him sleeping late due to exhaustion was a remnant of their union; the guiding, the breach of his own principle. He spent a long time thinking about it—about why he could be swayed so hard, so easily. For seventeen years he maintained his stance, and it shattered in just under two weeks.

It was scary.

Attachment was a scary thing. It was the seed of imprint; a deadly blessing, a beautiful curse.

Zein hated imprinting. His mother was imprinted by an esper—there was not a shred of love between them, merely a convenience. But the esper died, and his mother went into spiraling despair, so much that she was willing to be married to a wicked man like the twin’s father. To this day, Zein had no idea whether he was the son of that nameless esper or that sorry excuse of a man that sold him off to a rogue guild.

But he knew he hated the idea of imprinting. No—he was scared of it. And so he was scared of catching the seed. _{freёwebnoѵel.com}

That attachment Bassena blatantly showed him.

But the scary thing about attachment was that it was inevitable. Zein didn’t even find it in himself to run away. The more he indulged Bassena’s longing for him, the more Zein realized; ah, I was getting pulled along.

He was scared.

Zein buried his face inside his palm. It was scary, losing his mind and reason. Losing himself. Inside that sea of darkness, Zein was drowning. No—

"I’m still drowning,"

The heartbeat that refused to calm down every time he thought about that moment was overwhelming.

’But it wasn’t anything romantic,’

It would be better if it was. But Zein knew himself—he wasn’t ready for anything like that. He wasn’t brave enough. His heart wouldn’t allow for something that tender to manifest.

For having something precious meant the inevitable moment of losing them.

He gripped his necklace tightly.

The attachment between him and Bassena Vaski was something born out of the wickedness of nature. A dependency. Something like an itch that became uncomfortable if it went untreated, but wouldn’t pose any danger even if they didn’t get rid of it.

—I don’t care

Zein pressed his lips as the image of those firm amber eyes flashed in his mind. Bassena had said it so firmly, so surely, that Zein had no chance to rebuke.

—I don’t mind even if it’s just an effect of the circumstances

How? How could he say that when he too, had experienced such loss and betrayal? Was he not scared of how feeble this kind of attachment was?

Zein had been inwardly agonizing over this every time he saw the affection within those amber eyes. He tried to fight and deny it and yet, at the same time, he longed for it.

And it was what made him even more scared.

Sighing uncharacteristically, Zein slumped back into the mattress, staring at the dark ceiling.

Darkness. It reminded him of Bassena.

"...fuck," Zein gritted his teeth. "It’ll probably go away with time," he muttered, even as his guide’s heart protested.

"Zeeen!!" just in time, a lively voice came barging into the room, and the petite figure of Yath jumped into Zein’s laying body. "Hmm? Why are you frowning?"

"What is it?" Zein narrowed his eyes. See, attachment really was a scary thing. This little guide straddling him right now still looked cute, but Zein no longer felt sexually attracted to him. Hmm...yeah, just like Han Shin, this one just seemed like a little brother now.

Yath squinted his eyes, no doubt pursing his lips behind the mask. "You’ve been away for two weeks, can’t I just miss you?"

"I have nothing to give you,"

The little guide gasped, clutching his heart as if Zein just hurting his feeling. "How cold! Why? Now that you met someone you liked you don’t need me anymore?"

Zein was about to get up, but paused and blinked at that. Yath’s eyes curled mischievously as he leaned forward and hovered above Zein’s face. "I saw you yesterday, you know~" he propped himself above Zein’s chest, giggling. "You definitely treat Bassena Vaski differently."

"Ugh—" Zein leaned back into the mattress again.

"What is this? What is this? Did you sleep with him or something?"

Zein didn’t answer, just turning his head and closing his eyes, sighing in exasperation. He wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with this.

"Huh?? It’s true? You? Sleeping with an esper?!" Yath shook Zein’s shoulder, green eyes blown wide in shock. And then he paused, and leaned down, face hovering above Zein with a serious expression. "He...wasn’t forcing you or anything, right?"

"No,"

It would be better if he was, Zein thought. Then he would have a real reason to avoid the man. And his heart, as well as his Guide’s soul, wouldn’t be this confused. Then he shouldn’t have to agonize over the clash between his instinct and his rationality.

As of now, he couldn’t even decide whether he wanted to accept Mortix’s offer or not.

"Really?" Yath let out an even more astonished face, before his eyes shone with sudden excitement. "Then...how was it?"

Zein narrowed his eyes at the younger man’s whisper. "That’s not—"

"Aah tell me! Tell me tell me tell me!"

"I won’t tell you even if you’re throwing tantrum," Zein sighed, sinking his head back into the pillow and turning to face the wall.

Yath jumped down from atop Zein and stood with hands on his hips. "Hmph! Fine, you don’t have to tell me. I already know you liked it," he spoke with so much confidence that Zein couldn’t help but looked at him.

"You don’t even—"

"I know~" Yath bent his upper body, a wide grin on his face as he flicked Zein’s ear. "Your ears are red, you know. They only turned like that when you feel rea~lly good."

Zein widened his eyes, clearly oblivious about that part of him. It was true that when Yath asked him about it, his mind was replaying the event on its own, and it seemed like his body couldn’t help but responded to it.

In an attempt to hide his embarrassment, Zein got up and climbed out of the bed, walking toward the wash basin. "So, are you coming here just for this?" he asked, unintentionally spiky, and made the petite guide grin even wider.

After all, when else would he witness Zein becoming flustered like this?

"Nope,"

Zein splashed his face with water and stared at Yath through the mirror with a raised brow. "Then?"

"The Captain is looking for you,"

* * *

Climbing the stairs to the Captain’s office, Zein wondered what it was the man wanted to talk to him. He already gave a brief report with Ron yesterday, and since the expedition itself was a secret, no written account needed to be made.

Zein paused briefly in front of the office door. There was one thing the Captain might need to talk to him about separately; his contract. The Captain might receive a more thorough report from Ron, including how Mortix and Trinity actively and persistently asked for him to join them.