There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL) novel Chapter 533

Chapter 533: Chapter 526. Memories of Red

The last time Zein went to a funeral, it was for his already deceased parents, who he knew were already dead since he was born. If anything, it was a memorial service rather than a funeral. Thus, the sadness he felt was momentary, and the relief of finally putting his parents in the same resting place took a bigger place than the sadness.

There were a lot of dead comrades during his Borderland Unit enlistment, but most of them had no body to be buried, since no one had enough extra life to retreat from the Deathzone while carrying a dead weight. With how easily it happened anyway, they became numb to death and after twenty minutes of memorial service in the courtyard, they had to go back to their own duty.

And so, the last time Zein had a sorrowful funeral was seven years ago, if it even could be called that. A mass cremation that would not allow him to recognize the remnants of the twins’s bones. It was abrupt, short, and he had no time to digest it properly until four years later.

Compared to that, this funeral was less personal for him. While he was close to the guides and Anzus, he was rarely involved with other espers since he specialized in guiding high-ranking espers. He knew both of the espers whose funerals he attended, but he never interacted with them, unlike Bassena.

Looking at it like that, he shouldn’t get too affected by the funeral. If anything, he was there to support Bassena.

But he was wrong. Dead wrong.

The fact that it wasn’t personal made his mind wander instead of focusing on the deceased. And for Zein, a wandering mind was dangerous.

Everything started well; he was worried that Erika’s family would lash out at Bassena as the commander, but they didn’t do such a thing. Instead, they thanked the esper for coming to the funeral and told him to hang on. It seemed that Radia’s personal visit and the clip of the battlefield that had been circulating that day from the conference post contributed to that treatment.

Thanks to that, the funeral went on peacefully. It was autumn, and the cemetery was surrounded by a sea of red foliage. The same color of red as that accursed twilight where Zein lost the twins. The leaves swirling in the air and scattering on the ground looked like the bloody road he had to walk on as he carried his brother’s lifeless body.

Zein thought he had overcome it already, but it seemed that the scar ran deep. The twins’ death, for him, was harder than facing the truth about his parents. He held himself well during the first funeral, but on the second one, which was held by the guild, his chest felt heavy with the weight of his necklace.

Perhaps it was the way he knew everyone who was attending. It was quiet, with everyone thinking back to the battlefield; the solemnity of the quiet sorrow reminded him even more of that red day.

Belatedly, Zein realized that he hadn’t stopped to digest his feelings after the battle was over. The emotions buried themselves deep while he was destroying the fragments, and all the visions he got only aggravated the invisible scar.

The forgotten fear that was haunting him during the battle crept to the surface by clawing at his heart. The moment he arrived at their condo, he couldn’t help but throw up. When he washed his face in the sink after, he realized his hands were trembling.

"Zein?" Bassena, who was waiting outside the bathroom, knocked on the door worriedly.

Zein was quiet and pale on the way home, but Bassena was too preoccupied with the funeral to realize it sooner and did something about it. He felt guilty and awful now, after everything was over and he had a leeway to look around.

Thankfully, Zein came out right away. But he still looked pale and didn’t say anything, just going straight to the bed and sitting on the edge with a lowered head. Bassena crouched in front of the guide and rubbed his legs, trying to see the blue eyes behind the curtain of black fringe.

"Hey, are you alright? Are you still feeling unwell from destroying the fragments?"

Now that Bassena thought about it, Zein had spent three days taking care of those fragments while everyone was either resting or going back. There were twelve fragments there, and while not all of them were big or had a vision inside, it would still be hard for the guide to destroy that much, even if the shards helped him to do it.

Haa...he should have checked Zein’s condition more often. He should have been keener. Just because he had a lot to think about...

That being said...Bassena felt something was rather a miss. It didn’t look like it was only caused by exhaustion. Could it be...

Was the vision messed with his mind or something?

"Honey?" Bassena tried to look into the blue eyes, raising his hand to stroke the guide’s cheek.

But before he could do either of those, Zein had already pulled him closer. The guide circled his arms around Bassena’s neck, tightly clasping his hand behind the esper’s head and pressing his forehead against Bassena’s. His breath was heavy, and Bassena could hear how it trembled slightly.

"I feel awful..."

Instantly, Bassena could feel that it wasn’t something physical. He waited, holding Zein’s arms and waited for that stuttered breath to get even.

"I was glad..."

Bassena was confused then. Those were two completely different stuff Zein just told him.

"I was glad that it wasn’t you down there," Zein took a deep breath, closing his eyes as red was filling his vision. The red he saw seeping between the black scale and dripped into his palm. "It felt terrible, this relief."