There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL) novel Chapter 560

Chapter 560: Chapter 554. A Path of Thorns and Roses

"How could you leave him like that when you love him that much?"

Before realizing it, Bassena had already blurted what he only meant to say inside his head. He blinked and raised his head, lips parted to say something to fix it...

But he closed his lips again. Since he already said it anyway, they better talk about it. Perhaps, the uncomfortable knot in his heart could unravel then. Or, at the very least, he might find out what he felt about Han Joon’s true face.

"I mean...I know why you did it, but..." Bassena followed with a strained voice, staring down at the clear water below. "I wished, at least, you’d tell someone near Radia..."

"Like you?" Han Joon smiled, putting the last stroke in his sketch.

Bassena did not answer, but both of them knew what he wanted to say.

"Has it occurred to you that I want to be his sole hero?"

Bassena turned his head fast with widened eyes. "What?"

It was obvious that such a thing never occurred to him. He was so flabbergasted at the notion that Han Joon felt bad about it.

About shattering his well-crafted illusion.

He chuckled. "The real reason is that I can’t be sure you knowing it wouldn’t trigger the system caution, and...well, you were still with your old guild."

Bassena pressed his lips. Well, that made sense. And, if they looked back, the Vaskis did have something to do with that system--albeit merely as the Horin’s dogs. Still...

"After--"

"Afterward, you were just too...stood out."

"Oh..."

Bassena closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Well, at least he found the answer as to why Han Joon did not include him. It wasn’t a matter of trust or whether or not Bassena was good enough.

"But even if I think you can help, what I said earlier was true too," Han Joon continued, and the knot in Bassena’s chest, which had started loosening, was getting tight again.

He turned his head with a frown, staring at the man who relaxedly flipped his notebook to add notes to the newest sketch. Zein did tell him that Han Joon’s feelings for Radia were very intense, but he never thought it would be this much. But the way the man went about it felt ridiculous to Bassena.

"You knew he was hurting, didn’t you?" he said with a clenched jaw. "He changed so much after you were gone. He was stressed out every time he couldn’t get ahold of your news, he..." Bassena recalled what he saw in those crimson eyes when Joon disappeared without a trace. "He was in pain."

"I know," the answer came with a dry voice. "I watched him all the time."

"But you still did it?" Bassena snapped coldly. "Even though you can die anytime and everything will be over without him knowing anything?"

"Yes."

Was it the lack of remorse, or the relaxed tone? Bassena was so flabbergasted at the definite answer that he couldn’t bring himself to say anything more, just staring at the man incredulously. Han Joon closed his notebook and put it inside his jacket, before looking at Bassena with a subtle smile.

"Do you want me to say I regret it? That I feel sorry?" he asked with a hint of laughter in his voice. "Do you expect me to say that I’ll do it differently if I turn back time?"

Bassena pressed his lips. Perhaps. Perhaps he wanted to hear that. That felt more like the Han Joon that he knew from his childhood days.

"No, I don’t regret any of it," the black eyes were steady, and Bassena knew the man meant every word that he said. "I’ll do it again many times more if I have to."

Bassena averted his gaze, perhaps because he didn’t want the illusion to shatter even more. "...isn’t that...selfish?"

All this time, in his head, Han Joon was the most selfless person he knew. Taking care of an unruly child like him, raising Han Shin by himself, fighting against an accursed system alone...

But that person readily admitted.

"It is," Han Joon said without any hint of deflection, which surprised Bassena. "Everything I do, I do it for myself; taking care of Shin, teaching you, destroying [Kronos], killing Han Gyeong--" he paused for a bit, clenching his jaw just for a split second. "I did what I had to do to get what I wanted."

"...including coming here?" Bassena frowned.

"It would be good for him if the operation finished quickly," the man shrugged.

"So the process doesn’t matter as long as you obtain your goal?"

"It doesn’t for me."

Was it because the admittance was so straightforward? Bassena found that he didn’t feel angry, just...confused.

"I..." after a few seconds of silence, Han Joon spoke again. This time, however, his voice was softer and more strained. "Have lost almost all I treasured in this world."

Bassena remembered Zein’s word again; intense. As the shard below surfed between their rocks, the light illuminated the ex-soldier face, and Bassena could see the scar on the man’s neck. The scar which, after he knew the story, was very much self-inflicted in a way.