There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL) novel Chapter 616

Chapter 616: Chapter 610. I want to live

"Can I have a pat too?" Bassena asked, placing his hand lightly on the guide’s waist.

Zein leaned back against the firm chest and tilted his head up, staring at the twinkling amber eyes. "What about a kiss?"

"Even better," Bassena chuckled and leaned down, welcoming the hand caressing his hair and a pair of lips smiling against his.

The guides scampered away while giggling, leaving their Captain frolicking away with his esper. His only esper. But since they were still in the open, they kept it chaste and public-friendly; soft and brief, just enough to satiate a little longing.

Hand-in-hand, they walked along the lakeside, which was no longer bordered by the wall of trees. An empty valley with green fields and sparkling rivers reminded them of the view they could see from the hill where Bassena’s mother lay. It was rather melancholic, savoring the sight of their hard work, basking in natural light instead of the one coming from the beacon.

And yet, the hand holding Zein’s was clammy, and the pair of amber kept staring at the ground instead of enjoying the view.

"I’m sorry..."

What is this again? Zein halted his steps and turned to look at the frowning esper. "Haven’t we talked about this?"

After picking up the last shard, they talked about how Zein did not mind the imprinting and that Bassena shouldn’t feel guilty or feel like he forced Zein into the bond. Zein had thought they were over this, and Bassena didn’t dwell on it again--or so he thought.

Was it something he said during the short interview?

"I know we did, but when I heard your announcement..."

Ah, so it was indeed about his retirement. But why would that make Bassena--someone who once wanted to make Zein his exclusive guide--feel apologetic?

"You were...I know you were just starting to enjoy guiding," Bassena said with clenched jaws, holding tightly into the guide’s hand. "Not for a means of survival or a job, but a sense of self. I could see it you know; I’ve been observing you from the closest place."

Ah...Zein could not refute that because it was true. The sense of purpose for being born in this world, for staying alive out of all people who had died. The sense of purpose outside the fact that he carried the seed of Setnath. He felt all of that during this hard journey in the Deathzone.

"So I couldn’t help it," the frown was getting deeper between the esper’s brows. "I feel like...I robbed that from you by binding you to me like this."

Although they had talked about imprinting after everything was over, that ’after’ was such a loose term that they had never talked about in detail before. ’After’ could mean right away, but could also mean five years in the future.

What if Zein wanted to pursue that sense of self for a while first? Bassena couldn’t help but think about that, because, for him, Zein’s happiness took precedence over his own.

And Zein could see that, which was why he could only swallow his sigh.

He turned to face Bassena and tilted his head. "Don’t be so full of yourself, Bassena Vaski."

Bassena flinched and finally raised his head, only to receive a mean flick on his forehead. There was no mana in those fingers, so it was barely tickling him, but the mental offset was greater than any punch.

The blue eyes pierced him sharply. "Don’t demean my agency by assuming what I want and what I don’t want."

"That’s not--" Bassena bit his lips to stop himself from talking. "I’m sorry..."

Zein sighed and rubbed the place he just flicked, even though there was barely any trace. "When you were fighting the Fallen Star..."

Bassena blinked at the sudden shift of tone.

"Every time I couldn’t see you because of some kind of obstacle, I kept thinking to myself," Zein said softly, brushing the fringe that was getting longer. "’Ah, if only we’re imprinted, I’ll be able to know your corrosion level even if I can’t see you’."

Bassena blinked slowly as the words digested in his head shooting straight into his heart.

"And I kept thinking about that, even while knowing I still had to guide a lot of people in that fight," Zein smiled lightly, thinking back to that dire time. It was still fresh in his mind since for him, it only happened four days ago.

As the guide stroked his cheek with affection, Bassena could only tremble in silence; eyes flickering in disbelief. Or rather, he was afraid to believe it was all real.

"So you see, I had been ready for it," Zein chuckled at the mix of surprise and hesitation in Bassena’s stunned face. "Maybe I would have preffered to have it in a more proper way--a calmer way, so I could properly savor the sense of being imprinted by someone I attached to. But..." he scoffed, "...things rarely go the way we want anyway."

Bassena bit his lips again, staring at Zein’s face instead of the ground. Just looking at that light smile and the soft curve of the blue eyes, he could tell that it wasn’t something that the guide would say just to console him.

It was genuine. It was what Zein had been feeling.

"If I haven’t made it clear enough, I’m glad you did it," the stroking hands stopped and lightly squeezed the esper’s cheeks. Looking at the pair of shaking amber, the blue gaze was firm and resolute. "Do you know what I was thinking about when I saw you while lying there with a hole in my chest? ’I want to live’, I thought. I want to live with him for a long time."

"Ah, don’t worry about it, I’ll ask for something on my next re-trial," Bassena took a deep breath, feeling the anxiety and guilt exuviating from his heart. A smile finally formed across his lips. "Since I finished the mission given to me, shouldn’t I receive some kind of reward?" _{fгee𝑤ebɳoveɭ.cøm}

Pfft--Zein laughed and any tension left between them dissipated with it. Grinning sheepishly, Bassena took the guide’s hand again and resumed their leisure walk. With the hanging cloud disappearing from their head, they can fully enjoy the peaceful time now.