There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL) novel Chapter 84

Chapter 84: Chapter 82. Bittersweet and Spicy (3)

Bassena left the guide on the rooftop couch while the waiter prepared their lunch order, climbing down to the first floor to get that common candy that Zein wanted.

As he went back to the rooftop, he looked at the candy in his hand. It was a product that could be found anywhere on the continent, a common candy people might find as free service in public office or the banks. For someone like Bassena, who was always surrounded by luxurious products, this kind of candy was actually something he almost never consume. Probably once or twice when he was an adventurous child.

In an ironic way, he understood that Zein probably consumed this candy as seldom as he was, for a completely different reason. For the guide, a red-zone dweller, this simple, cheap candy was probably as precious as the limited edition one.

Bassena still remembered the astonishment on Zein’s face when he tried the fruits they brought to the borderland. He remembered the wonder and bliss after that first taste of chocolate beside the lake. There were many common things in Bassena’s life that weren’t at all common for Zein. He knew that Zein’s penchant for sweet things was derived from the lack of it during his life in the red-zone.

He could easily guess that this cheap, common candy in his hand was the first, probably only candy Zein had ever tasted. In a place where sugar was as expensive as a potion, a candy might as well be considered a drug.

At the rooftop which was rather calm and quiet, he could see the guide zoning out, staring vacantly at the plaza below. Zein did it sometimes, mind wandering to places out of nowhere, just like that time in the training hall.

Faraway places, heavy places...

Bassena felt his heart clench every time he saw it, as if Zein was flying somewhere he might not be able to reach. He took a deep breath, and jumped on the man from behind, putting a playful smile on his face.

"Like I said, if you space out when you’re with me, I might kiss you," he whispered scandalously, circling the guide’s neck and leaning his weight.

It was effective to wake the guide from whatever disturbing thought swirling inside his pretty mind. Zein looked up with an unimpressed face, flicking Bassena’s cap lightly. "Don’t be a pervert just after giving your autograph to kids."

Laughing merrily, Bassena took the guide’s hand and dropped the candy there. "This is the one that you want, right?"

Zein looked at the candy and hummed as he played with the noisy wrapper. He felt the round shape of the candy inside, and observed the glittering star patterns on the wrapper’s surface.

When he first tasted the candy, he kept the wrapper inside his pocket for so many days, sniffing the sweet scent every time he longed for the taste of melted sugar. He kept it until he got drenched in mud and blood and the wrapper was one of the casualties besides his clothes. Rather than the pain of the injury he got, he was hurt more by the loss of that sweet scent.

Zein chuckled at the memory, and unwrapped the glittering package. He wasn’t really sure whether the memory about the candy was a bitter one or a sweet one, but it sure was something that he was never able to forget. As he popped the small, round candy inside his mouth, he leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling the summer’s sun upon his face.

Vaguely, he felt Bassena hold his hand, quietly intertwining their fingers, just like their guiding session. But Zein wasn’t guiding, and Bassena wasn’t speaking. They just stayed there, in silence, feeling the sun and hearing the buzzing noise around.

It was nice, it was peaceful. Zein didn’t feel like pulling his hand, feeling the warmth of the younger’s hand.

Yeah--Bassena was warm. Seeing the esper interact with kids was interesting. He was warm and affectionate, despite being known as cold and arrogant. It was probably just a matter of where the other person stood in Bassena’s book.

He looked like a nice older brother, even though he was an only child that lacked affection. It was always fascinating for Zein how Bassena could grow up this well despite his history.

Bassena is pure. Radia had said that to Zein. He absorbed his environment. He was easily brought into a poisonous weapon for the Vaskis and the Golden Viper, but it was also easy to turn him back into a decent human being. The reason Bassena could be the way he was after the fall of his family was because of his mother--the memory of his loving, easygoing mother, and her diary that kept Bassena afloat.

And Zein.

Because he met his first love and chase the man relentlessly. Because he wanted to be the best version of himself that he could present to the person he treasured the most.

He was as complex as he was simple.

An adorable creature.

Zein didn’t think he deserved the attachment that this man had over him. The innocence and purity of his feelings. Zein was much too scared, much too cowardly. Much too cruel.

The blue eyes opened slowly, and their serene session ended as the sweetness dissolved entirely and the guide pulled his hand away.

Zein watched the plaza wordlessly, of families walking together, of brothers chasing each other around the fountain. His mind flew to the little girl Daisy and her siblings, looking happy walking back hand in hand, chocolates and candies in their hands. He wondered if the grumpy old man Dan felt happy when he bought his daughter the things they couldn’t get in the red-zone.

There were brothers playing with a ball near the fountain, the younger one kicking too hard that it fell into the water. The boy started to whine, and the older one sighed before going into the fountain and getting the ball back, even though he had to get drenched and wet in the process.

"Good boy," Bassena seemed to watch the same scene--actually a lot of people were. The esper smiled and clapped his hands lightly.

Zein let out a smile too, although the bitterness inside didn’t match the view. "I always thought I was a bad brother..."

Bassena turned his head with widened eyes, obviously confused. "How so?"

Zein watched the younger one jump excitedly and hugged his older brother to show his gratitude. The older brother laughed sweetly despite being wet and messy, ruffling the younger’s hair.

"I always loathed them," the guide smiled with hardened eyes at his confession. "I thought they were a burden, that I would be better off without them,"

The wrapper in the guide’s hands made a creaking noise as it got crushed. The necklace on his neck felt heavy, heavier with each word of confession he spat out, as if it were ready to crush his heart too.

"That I’ll be able to run away if it wasn’t for them," he smiled as he said that, a cold and dry word that he pointed at himself more, as the sweetness in his mouth disappeared, and only the bitter, biting tang remained.