A Gift from the Goddess novel Chapter 121

"Raven."

Through the darkness I heard a voice, piercing through the haze.

It sounded urgent.

Someone calling out to me.

"Raven, shift back."

Every now and then I would see snippets.

Just stilled images flashing before me, showing pictures of a living room.

Of a broken table.

Of a boy.

It felt somewhat familiar but I couldn’t place it.

"Raven! —Ah, fuck."

..And pain.

So much pain.

The voice continued to call out to me, pleading with m e to do something...but I wasn’t ready.

No, instead, I rescinded into my mind further to escape.

To try and forget what was happening.

...To pretend everything was okay.

And so, I hid from it all, blocking out the images and voices.

Waiting until, finally, things didn’t hurt so badly.

..Until I was sure the pain had stopped.

".Raven," came the voice again.

Only, this time, recognition finally kicked in.

Kieran.

It was Kieran's voice and...and I’d shifted.Changing into the wolf and...—.

Oh...no, no...Instantly, my eyes flew open...and I found myself contained within his arms, wrapped up in a blanket.

He looked down at me with a face showing signs of exhaustion, his breathing heavy.

And I immediately knew something was wrong.

I wasn’t sure how long had passed but I was back to m y normal self, implying it had been at least a few minutes.

But...there was something else too.

Something I’d come to expect from these lapses.

..I could smell the sickly scent of blood.I squirmed out of his grasp, pushing away just enough to get a good look at him...and there it was.

The source of the smell.

A large gash down the front of his chest.

Blood flowing from it...increasingly becoming worse ...pooling on the ground around us.

And, suddenly, it was as if the whole world tilted.

Everywhere I looked there was blood.

Red painted on every surface, on every piece of furniture, on every wall...curtain...and lamp.

And as I frantically looked around, I felt my breathing quicken, my heart starting to race.

...Just what had I done? This was exactly what I had been afraid of and yet I’d let it happen.

I turned back to Kieran, finding his face now so pale, and I quickly moved my hands to his chest to help stop the bleeding.

Hands that were soaked even up along my forearms already.

"I’m so sorry," I whispered.

"I-I didn't mean to do this." I'd told him that this was dangerous and a bad idea.

Why hadn’t he listened to me?

 "Raven...it’s okay," he replied.

I looked at him incredulously, as if he were insane for not seeing the amount of blood he had lost.

It was a miracle he was even still able to talk.

"N-no...no it’s not okay," I stammered.

"Nothing about this is okay...You’re going to die because of me."

I could feel my entire body shaking, feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes.

Kieran had said he knew what he was doing, that everything would be fine, and yet everything had still gone wrong.

Was it because I was incapable of being helped? Was I actually a monster? "Raven, what are you talking about? I’m fine."

"Fine’?”

 ‘Fine’!?" I repeated, my voice becoming shrill.

"You’re bleeding out! I-I don’t even have time t o call an ambulance.Goddammit, Kieran! Why didn’t you listen to me!?"

I kept trying to stop the bleeding but he then grabbed my hands and held them away from him.

"What are you doing?!" I screamed.

"Stop," he ordered.

"It’s barely even a scratch."

"N-no, no, no it’s not.How can you say that? You’re “

"Raven, calm down and look," he said, cutting me off.

"B-but I...I’ve killed you...I-I didn’t mean to...I—."

"Raven!" he yelled this time, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"...I said I’m fine."

..And as I slowly looked back down at his chest, I found that the wound was barely more than a surface- level injury.

Something that had already stopped bleeding a while ago.

"W-what...? I don’t understand..."

Carefully, I then spun my head around to look at the room...and found it completely normal.

Apart from a few broken pieces of furniture, the place seemed utterly the same.

No blood in sight.

But I had seen it so clearly, smelt the strong copper smell.

There was no mistaking it....How could that all be in my head? 

"Come here," Kieran said, and proceeded to lift me onto his lap with ease.

I was reluctant at first, still confused by what was happening, but it didn’t take long for me to realise what this meant.I threw my arms around him in relief, no longer caring if my sudden attachment to him was weird.

All that mattered was that he was alive.

That he was safe.

"J-I’m sorry," I cried.

"I’m so sorry.I fucked up."

His hand came up and gently stroked my hair, indulging my abrupt need for comfort.

Along with the blanket, his warmth was helping to calm me.

"You’re fine," he said.

"You didn’t do anything wrong."

"But I did," I argued.

"I failed.I-I wasn’t strong enough.Regardless of whether it was minor, you still got hurt."

Even after Kieran tried to help me, it was clear that I was still a failure.It didn’t matter if I was human or a wolf.

There were some things that I’d never overcome.Somehow, it felt like I would forever be a disappointment.

That this was my life now; useless to my father, and useless at things that should have been natural for me to do.

Just another screw-up to add to the list.

...But Kieran didn’t seem to like that answer.

Immediately, he pulled me away and held my face so I was forced to look at him.

"Hey.Nothing you did was your fault," he said adamantly.

"I mean it."

"But I—."

"No," he instantly cut off.

"Take a breath and repeat after me”

‘this was not my fault""