A Gift from the Goddess novel Chapter 149

Two months had gone by since my escape from Ashwood.

The day still haunted me whenever I thought about it, remembering the faces of loathing, remembering the fear and confusion… remembering the pain of leaving Kieran.

It was that pain which was still the hardest to deal with, like an aching that never left me. A constant thorn in my side to remind me how we couldn’t be together… and it wasn’t just thoughts either.

With the suppressors assumedly now completely worn off, for the first time I was experiencing living with what I imagined our entire species did; feelings that belonged to a creature inside you. Every single day it was like I could feel its pain crying for Kieran, whimpering internally as if I’d amputated its arm off. It was exhausting… and it only made it more difficult.

Sometimes, in my darkest hours, I contemplated taking the suppressors again. There had been one bottle left behind which now stood atop my bedroom dresser, staring at me with the promise of making the wolf go silent once more. To numb myself to the extra feelings that came with being a werewolf and fall back into my days of ignorance.

I would reach my hand out towards the pills… but stop myself every time.

And, instead, I would drink.

Alcohol. No fancy ingredients required, just good ol’ liquor. Just enough to take the edge off. Enough to distance myself from the chaos in my head as I continued my work, slipping back into routine with my father.

Things between us had been better, my absence clearly a needed one. He seemed more aware of me now, even more… gentle? If that was even possible for him. But nevertheless, I was certain that Ashwood would have found me already had he not done such an extensive job at hiding my existence all these years.

And in return for that protection, I did what I always did.

…I did my job.

“Raven, can I get you another drink?” asked the man, Jack Hamilton.

I sat on a plush expensive couch inside a high-end bar, attentively chatting closely with the man seated next to me. He owned the establishment that we were now tucked away in the private corner of. Just the two of us.

“That’s okay,” I said, smiling. “Thank you though.”

“You know… I’ve never seen eyes quite as mesmerising as yours before,” he said, leaning forward. “The golden colour is fascinating.”

…And it was then that his hand reached over to touch my thigh, the intention obvious.

I knew that this would be the case. In fact, I’d been trying to establish this connection. I was here for information today and that was always made easier when a man stopped thinking with their head.

However, it unfortunately caused a stir of something else inside me… because I felt as a small growl rumbled through my chest in warning. A low threat in the tone. Not my doing, of course… but my wolf’s. Now choosing to make my life difficult with her inability to let me work. To her, only Kieran was allowed to touch us.

I quickly coughed to disguise it and smiled.

“Apologies… I think I might actually get that drink after all,” I said. “I’ll go get it though. Stay right here for me.”

And as I stood up, I gently touched his cheek to seal the promise. A gesture that caused another stir inside me, taking all my control to push the wolf back.

Goddammit. They were making this so unnecessarily difficult.

“Your strongest whiskey, thanks,” I said to the bartender. “Add it to Jack Hamilton’s tab.”

They gave me an odd look but did as I asked, and I downed it the second he stopped pouring.

“The person you’re pining for has a family trying to kill us,” I said quietly to my wolf. “Stop making this harder than it needs to be.”

And slowly, I closed my eyes briefly as I let the alcohol wash over me, feeling as the wolf quietened inside once more. It wasn’t as good as the suppressors had once been, but it was enough.

“…You’re not the only one who misses him,” I whispered sadly.

No… not the only one. But some things were more important than desires.

Things like… surviving.

And it was with that very thought in mind that I then walked back over to my assignment.

“Tell me, Jack… is this the only bar you own?” I started, touching his arm intimately. “I just adore it so much. Please tell me you have others in the city. Perhaps closer to town on Central Avenue? I’m dying to visit more often but this one is a little far from my home.”

“Well… now that you mention it,” he said, leaning in closer. His gaze was switching from my eyes to my lips, but I bit back my discomfort. “Just between us, I happen to be placing a bid to purchase an upcoming lot shortly. It’s too soon to publicly announce it but….”

And as he proceeded to tell me all of his plans for purchasing, I felt myself regress into my mind a little bit more, going through the motions of doing what I had to do. Giving him my attention in exchange for the information my father asked for.

…Wishing he was Kieran whenever he touched me.

I left the bar that night feeling hollow inside but with a job successfully completed. Which is all that mattered in the end.

Just… living to see another day.

Doing what I needed to do.

…What I had to.

I stumbled back home with a headache, taking a taxi back to my house. I was welcomed home by the sight of my front gate, the smell of familiarity in the air stemming from the place I grew up. It was here that I took a moment to finally relax, breathing in deeply several times to calm myself.

Because I was fine. I could do this. Just… one day at a time.

But as I went to open the gate, I heard as someone then called to me. My mind immediately jumping to who had spoken.

“Rae.”

I looked up sharply, my heart pounding. An overwhelming rush of adrenaline pumping through me over who it was, needing so badly to see him again. To touch him, to tell him I was sorry for leaving. To tell him that I lo—.

…But as I turned around to face him, I found that it wasn’t Kieran who had spoken… but Zac.

I’d been so desperate for him to be here that I’d tricked myself into thinking it could be real. That Kieran somehow knew where I lived and had come for me.

But this wasn’t a fairy tale. Not anymore.

“…Hi, Zac,” I said, the disappointment thick in my voice.

I’d been avoiding him since coming back, not wanting to deal with the line of questions I knew he had. Truthfully, I just wanted to be left alone. To wallow in my own self-pity by myself.

Something that apparently wasn’t very subtle as he immediately called me out on it.

“You’re avoiding my calls and refusing to meet with me,” he said. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks.”

“I’ve got a new phone,” I said. “The last one was lost.”

“That doesn’t answer any of my questions, especially when I’ve called your house phone a thousand times asking for you. I highly doubt the extensive list of excuses the maid gives me are all valid.”

“I’ve been busy lately.”

“I know you have… which is exactly why I needed to talk to you,” he said. “You’ve had me covering up Noah’s existence for months now, had me do errands for you that jeopardise my own life. I need some answers on what exactly you expect me to do from here. Or… I don’t know… some help? I’m doing this all by myself and I’m freaking out.”

Irritation flared inside me as I didn’t want to deal with this right now. I’d had a long night entertaining a rich man for some business plans and just wanted to sleep.

“Not now, Zac,” I said, turning back to go inside. “Just drop it and we can talk another time. I’ve just finished a job.”

“No, not again,” he said, stepping closer. “If I let you go inside, you’re going to start dodging my calls again. Give me some answers. Just… at least tell me why we’re doing this. Just give me that.”

“Another time.”

But as I went to push open the gate, he walked over and grabbed my hand to stop me.

“No. Seriously,” he said. “This isn’t fair that I have to—.”