His Alpha's Guardian novel Chapter 12

When I was released from the hospital, I refused to return to my house. I, also, refused to return to my room at the pack house. The room that I had shared with Justin at the beginning of our relationship. I asked Oliver and Gael if they could grab me some of my stuff and bring it to the pack house. Oliver insisted, since I refused to stay in my house, that I at least stay on the Beta floor. I had all too willingly agreed. I couldn’t process his death. It was like I knew he was dead. I was aware of everything that was taken from me that night, but I couldn’t process what that fully meant.

Several days have now passed and I have refused to leave this room. Omegas occasionally come to the outside of the room to bring me food…a few have even offered to clean the room, but I refused. The last time I actually ate something was when I told Justin I was pregnant. Now? The thought of eating food makes me sick. I just want to crawl in a hole and die.

And this is what my days consist of. Every day I just lie in this bed and stare at the walls. I refuse to eat and I barely talk to anyone. When I close my eyes, it is almost like I can envision Justin being still here with me…he talks to me, holds me…the nights are the worst…the nightmares stop. I constantly see the light leave his eyes and hear my gut-wrenching scream ringing out. I hear him tell me he loves me for the last time and then nothing. everything goes black. I have woken up nearly every night screaming and sobbing. Oliver ran into my room the first time that it had happened. Now, I try to muffle the screams with my pillow. I try to sleep with a pillow over my face.

Aziel comes in here and checks on me at least five times a day. He has pleaded and begged me to eat. He has asked me to do something besides sit in this room and mope. He reminded me that Justin would not want me to feel like this or be like that. He has even gone as far as to send Dr. Leigh up here to check on me, but I don’t want people to come in. The only reason I have allowed Aziel in here is because of his promise to Justin. Aziel reminds me of Justin, so it helps to allow me to have a “piece” of him around.

Oliver even thought he was being sneaky when he grabbed some clothes from our house. He snuck in a few of Justin’s clothes and items, hoping that it would help me come to terms with all this. Instead, it causes the tears to roll. His scent is potent on his clothing and that is all I think about.

My family has tried to see me, but I have refused them. I know Michael has called several times wanting to speak with me, but I have refused all phone calls and visitors. Justin’s family has tried to see me too, but I just can’t look in their eyes and tell them that I was not able to protect their son…my mate. Oliver told me that he went and delivered the news to them and the first thing that they asked was about me. He tried telling them that I was going to be okay, but I needed time to process what happened.

Everyone has been worrying about their Alpha. Each day I can feel people pushing on my mind link, trying to talk to me and give me their condolences, but like I said, I cannot handle the thought of dealing with other people.

Oliver has been taking care of the pack for me. He has been handling the duties of Alpha, Luna, and Beta. I know that he is overworked and tired…I just don’t know how to fix it. What do I do to make this all better? I cannot see myself making it out of this alive. I don’t want to make it out of this alive.

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**Oliver’s POV**

It has been three days since that attack. Three days since Justin died and she miscarried. I think that had she not had the miscarriage, then she would have been fine. Not fine, but she would not have holed herself up in that damn room. She would have something to live for. Now, everything that she had once known, everything that was worth surviving for, had been ripped from her.

Pack members have been constantly asking me when they were going to see their Alpha, but truthfully, I do not know what to tell them. I don’t know what to say that will make this okay.

Her family and Justin’s family have been constantly asking me when they can see her and I have to repeatedly tell them that she is not ready for visitors. I haven’t told them that she has refused to leave that bed, refused to eat, shower, or even do anything to remotely take care of herself. I don’t want them to worry about her.

Michael had been repeatedly blowing up my phone and threatening to come back to check on his sister. I keep telling him that Kataleya needs him to stay where he is at and “win” over his mate, before he returns home…she just wants her brother to be happy.

I don’t plan to tell her anytime that we caught one of the rogues as they were trying to escape after Justin died. I am not sure whether that would upset her more or make her happy to do some damage to something. He was one of the ones that Richard saw take down Justin, so Richard chased him down until he caught him. He was the one that delivered the final blow. I will tell her about it, just not yet. I want to wait until she returns to some sense of normalcy.

I now sit in this office again, looking at all the financial paperwork that needs to be signed off on and all I can think is that I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I don’t want to bother her with the pack paperwork, but at the point I am at, I need help.

I rest my head on my hands as I looked over this document regarding damages to some parts of the pack due to that rogue attack. This is why Justin usually handles the financial bullshit. He was better at crunching the numbers than any of us were.

I placed the paper down and laid my head on the desk, contemplating what to do…