His Alpha's Guardian novel Chapter 14

The door to the hospital room opened and King Lucas stepped in, followed by his Luna, Guardian, and my parents.

The moment the door opened, both of my brothers’ woke up and started rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

“You are awake,” Lucas stated. He didn’t bother with the niceties, cutting straight to the point. “Everyone out.” I could tell that he was angry at me, but I don’t know what I did that upset him. Everyone cleared out of the room, not willing to argue with the king on my behalf, except for Lucas, his Guardian Edward, and Luna Everleigh.

Lucas stood next to my bed and was quiet for a moment. “What the hell were you thinking?” he said quietly. “Let me tell you what you were thinking: you simply weren’t. You did not think about how this could have hurt those that are closest to you.” He gestured to his Luna. “When Everleigh found out what happened to Justin, she wanted to rush down here and check on you, but I convinced her that you needed some time to think about everything that had happened. We needed to give you the time to process…Do you know how angry she was at me for not letting her come down here when she heard that you tried to kill yourself? That you had purposely eaten monkshood to prevent yourself from healing the marks that you left? What would your pack have done without their Alpha? Your family? Your friends? Justin’s death hit everyone hard, but it is time for you to pull your head out of your ass and get a move on. Your pack needs you. They need to know you are not going to fall apart and leave them. Remember, they lost one of their Alpha’s too, which means they are hurting as well. Did you consider what his family is going through? They lost their son and they nearly lost his mate…you should have reached out, Kataleya. We would have found you the help that you were needing. I wish you had gone to someone about this and about what you were going through, instead of trying to take these matters into your own hands.”

Lucas was clearly getting angrier the more he talked to me. I watched as his Luna and Guardian placed a hand on each of his shoulders and he visibly calmed down.

I looked between the three of them before making the split decision to tell them what had been weighing on my mind. The main reason is that I have not been able to cope. “Justin wasn’t the only thing I lost that day,” I whispered.

The three of them looked at me, confusion written all over their faces. Luna Everleigh was the first to realize what I was saying. She rushed to me and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

Lucas and Edward still looked confused, so I decided to just tell them. “I was pregnant. Four weeks to be exact.” My voice was barely above a whisper. This is the first time that I have spoken it aloud since I miscarried. No one had known, except for the few people that Justin had told right before the rogue attack and that was only because he was dead set on having protection arranged for me.

I watched as the anger in Lucas’s eyes softened as he realized what I had just said.

“So, to answer your question, your majesty,” I whispered, “you are right. I was not thinking. How could I think? I was willing to live after Justin died. I was willing to live for this baby, even if I was in pain every fucking day from missing my soulmate…but, I would have dealt with it because this baby did not deserve to die. This baby did not deserve to lose both of his or her parents’ before they had a chance to meet them. Once I realized I had a miscarriage? All bets went out the window. I couldn’t do it. Everything that I was willing to live for died that day. I had lost the last piece that had reminded me of him. The last piece I had of him. Yes, I am angry, but beyond that? I am tired. I am so unbelievably tired. Right now? I have nothing to live for. Yeah, I have my own pack, but their Alpha is broken. I am a shell of my former self. Goddess, I am angry. Every single day, I have wanted to curse the Goddess for allowing Justin to be taken from me. Every day I grow to hate the Goddess more and more. She claims to be there for her children, at least that is what we are always taught about the great Moon Goddess Selene, but when does it really count? When it really matters, where is she? She isn’t here. She allowed my mate to be taken and then allowed my baby to be taken too. I wanted to end it. I wanted to get rid of the pain that I am feeling right here.” I placed my hand over my heart and squeezed the thin hospital gown. “And as much as everyone claims to understand what I am going through, they don’t. They didn’t lose their mate and their unborn child within hours of each other. No one in this pack besides four people knew that I was pregnant. I don’t want to tell them. The pity that will be in their eyes, I cannot handle. I cannot think past that. I refused to be pitied. I hate anyone feeling sorry for me. The worst part? I know I am stronger than this. I was raised better than this! The pain, though, is so strong. I have to fight my every instinct. And it hurts. So, God damn much. Look at me? Now I am fucking cursing the human’s God!” I started crying. Luna Everleigh continued rubbing my back, telling me that everything would be okay, but it wouldn’t. Like I said, they won’t know what I am going through. They won’t understand it. Lucas and Everleigh still have each other. I don’t have Justin. That is what sets me apart from them.

Suddenly, Luna Everleigh is no longer hugging me and the door is gently shut. I looked up and realized that I was left alone with their guardian, Edward.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I decided that you needed to talk to someone that might truly understand what you are going through. I have only told you a little of my story, but you don’t know the true reason I became a guardian.”