Kiss An Alpha novel Chapter 28

I wasn't even sure what I was angry at, there were so many factors. Fate, obviously, for damning me to fall for fucking Kieran Callisto. Him, for making it so damn easy yet so damn hard to hate him.

Myself, for more reasons than I could list.

I cursed under my breath as I felt my eyes water again, this time with hot, angry tears. No longer wanting to be constrained to the confinements of my room, I silently crawled out of bed and into the hall. I was glad that it was so late and everyone was sleeping, because I'd hate for anyone to see me like this. If I looked as shitty as I felt, I might blind someone.

I crept down the stairs, careful to avoid waking up any of the other lycanthropes. When I was finally out the front door and out in the open, I wasted no time stripping off my clothes-if I didn't, I'd never see them again-and transforming.

The first time I ever transformed, it was a full moon, and I was thirteen. That was over three years ago, but the process hadn't become much easier. It was significantly less painful, sure, but it was still pretty disorienting for the first few minutes.

I found that staring at the moon helped-unless it was a full moon. Don't do that, I learned from experience. Today, however, the moon was only a mere crescent. I focused on it until I was sure I was only seeing one moon, and then I was off.

Running had always been the best way to clear my head, even before my first transformation. I could just blank out for a bit and sprint until I could hardly breathe-which was a pretty long time. Everything, from the stars twinkling above, to the sounds of the forest, to the leaves crunching beneath my feet, brought a sense of familiarity that was unexplainably calming.

I wasn't sure how long I ran for. Maybe thirty minutes, maybe an hour, maybe even two. I just knew that, when I came back, my mind had settled and the turmoil had ceased.

And with a clear mind, I was finally able to come to a decision. If Kieran didn't like me, he didn't like me. I couldn't change that.

And I wasn't going to try. I was going to forget the good moments, when he made me feel like perhaps we meant something. No more false hope, no more wishing. I was going to forget the bad moments, when he made it clear as day that he hated me, and I almost felt like I hated him. No more anger, no more arguments. I was going to be neutral.

I may not be able to choose who I loved, but I was going to be in charge of my own fate. I had to be. I was going to paint my own picture.

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