Only Mine novel Chapter 25

I couldn't go back to our apartment after seeing all that. No, not our, his apartment. Because exactly what I assumed happened - I would go all-in for us to make it work and he wouldn't be able to handle our relationship, leaving me a mess and "homeless". And now I'm exactly where I didn't want to be. Stuffing essentials and work clothes in my small suitcase with big fat tears smearing my cheeks and deciding whether to go to my mum's place or my sister's. But there isn't really a choice. I can't let my mum see me like this, and Becca knows the situation far better. Brian is another story, however. He'll be furious.

I gather my things as quickly as possible, dreading seeing him come home and just as much scared of him not coming after me. I'm already confused, but I know him not fighting for us will shatter me completely.

I walk out of the apartment in a haze, realizing I didn't glance at anything that reminded me of our time together and by the time I snap out and blink, I already stand in front of my car. Jake's car is nowhere to be found, and my heart breaks just a little bit more.

Becca's eyes don't show any shock when seeing me at her doorstep with a suitcase, which tells me how much people didn't expect us to work. I almost turn around if it wouldn't be for her arms pulling me in a strong hug, making me crumble and slide to the floor.

This is how the next few days go. I report sick to work, which isn't a complete lie. My eyes are puffy and swollen from all the crying and I lost a few kilos since my appetite was close to zero.

When Brian saw me that first day he stomped out of the apartment with anger marring his entire face and didn't come back for a few hours with an even worse expression on his face - pity was nestled next to the anger. I hate people seeing me like this. I am not weak. I'm really not. But I also never felt what I felt for Jake. How is it possible to fall so hard for a guy when he doesn't even see himself having a future with me? I felt we were on the same page, it's not possible I was alone in all that.

And these are just the thoughts torturing my mind for the entire week without giving me any kind of closure.

The fact my phone didn't ring once nor there were any messages, didn't help me have any hope in fixing us. Brian refused to tell me what they talked, except that I deserve better, which just made me feel worse.

—

By the time Sunday rolls around the corner I come to a new resolve. We are not going to let things float around unfinished. I want him to tell me in the face he doesn't want me and that he chooses the life of whoring around. I'm not letting it all go without a proper closure. Only that way I'll be able to move on.

That's why I'm currently standing in front of his building, my heart thumping in my chest, wondering what I'll say and dreading at the same time he won't care enough to talk to me. And then just before I put the key that I'll have to probably return, in the keyhole, the thought of him not even being home crossing my mind. Or even worse, what if he's not alone? Oh God, that thought alone makes me tremble and bring tears to my eyes, the keys falling on the floor with a loud noise.

I crouch quickly to pick them up, but nothing happens. Utter silence remains behind closed doors. So I put the key in the keyhole and let myself in. I am met with a dark apartment, everything eerie quiet and I get an inexplicable sense nobody is in here. And not just at the moment. Like nobody lived here. With a lead in my gut, I drag myself further in the apartment and with no signs of life, I charge for our bedroom.

His bedroom, his! I can't keep forgetting there is no 'our'.

The bed is perfectly made, certainly, nobody slept in it that night. The curtains are shadowing over the windows, giving the room a gloomy feeling that makes goosebumps rise on my skin. A half-closed closet gets my attention and my feet carry me there slowly, knowing in advance what I'll find.

Most of the closet is empty. His clothes are gone, except for winter boots and a few shirts, nothing's inside.

He left? Left where? Oh my god, for good?

My heart thunders furiously in my chest and stops beating at the same time, my hands shaking and clammy and I can't help a loud sob escaping my mouth. And the most depressing thought - he didn't even reach out and try to fix us. He just left, simply left.

It's around that time I crumble on the bed, tears of anger and hurt sliding down my face. I want to trash furiously around the place for leaving me, for hurting me, for cheating. But his intoxicated scent is still floating around me and making me bury my face in his pillow, dragging last inhales of our life together in my lungs, of the future we could have had if he would just give us a chance. We were doomed from the start.

Hours later and with red puffy eyes, I finally drag myself out of the apartment, the last look around the place almost bringing me to my knees. And just before I sit in my car, something occurs to me.

Surely Brian knows he left. They are always keeping each other updated. Does this mean Becca knows also and she just left me to cry and cry not knowing what to do without telling me he already left?

I'm parking in front of their apartment without remembering how I got there and quickly get myself up to their place. I open the door loudly and get myself inside, heading for the kitchen where their voices are coming from.

"Hey, sweetie, how was..."