Submission novel Chapter 33

It hurts so much to feel hurt.

The slow thudding of her heart threatened to stop forever while the unshed tears got clogged up where it shouldn't.

It felt like a big hole has been punched through her chest while breathing became impossibly difficult.

She wanted to do so many things and by things, she meant possible ways to hurt herself so that the pain she felt inside could be subdued by the pain outside.

A million thoughts raced through her head and a million feelings coursed through her blood, making her delirious.

Nothing felt right, not even breathing.

No matter how much she tried to hold herself together, she always seemed to fall apart like the water slipping through fisted hands.

She screamed, she shouted, yet her lips were sealed shut.

The darkness around her and the unending agony in her heart blurred her vision until she fell and fell into the bottomless depths of nothingness.

*******

My ears were ringing, no wait, they weren't. The high pitched sound was deafening and no matter what, I couldn't keep my eyes closed. I was in a haze, a deep haze of limbo and it was impossible to breakthrough.

What is happening?

I tried to wriggle, to break free but my body was induced in sleep while my mind was wide awake, scared, and lonely. I could feel the wetness seeping from my eyes, down my cheeks but even that couldn't crack my eyes open.

My soul was trapped into the cage, the jail that everyone calls a body. The high pitched sound seemed to be coming from somewhere near me, very close yet so distant. Slowly I could trace its origin and it horrified me when I realized that it was coming out of my very lips, my very body, and my very soul.

I woke up with a jolt, startled, and scared at what might have happened to me a few seconds ago. My body shivered as realization crashed upon me like thunder. I didn't want to step into the dark waters of my past again so I diverted my mind somewhere else.

The stubborn eyes opened, at last, revealing numerous stars up above in the midnight sky. I rubbed my eyes and tried to get rid of the tear-stained vision only to realize that I was not under the sky but under the ceiling of my own room. The darkness didn't let me see anything except for those fluorescent stars up above.

Those stars, I don't even know how many times I might have counted them when I went through endless insomniac nights. Maybe that's what happens to you when you are too scared to let others know what you feel inside. You are just used to offering that fake smile to everyone.