Konstantin: The Heartless Beta novel Chapter 53

Lily

I had never seen Konstantin as upset as he was when he stormed out of the mansion. Not even when I fucked up a major order in my first few months with him.

He’s angry with me, but I didn’t expect him to be this hurt. How stupid am I?! Of course, Konstantin would have understood what I went through last night, so what the fuck made me think he would hate me?!

/“I told you,”/ comes that voice again and immediately, my question was answered.

Sighing, I walk upstairs to our bedroom to wait until we have to leave for the ritual. If the childminders are the guilty ones, then I will not be going in to work today; surely Kai will understand my decision.

In any case, I called my second to let him know to handle things for tonight.

What is going to happen now? I’ve just broken my mate as well as my Alpha’s trust in me by thinking I could solve my problems on my own. I know I need help; I know I need to talk about what’s going on in my head, but where do I start? I already sounded crazy just by saying that I hear voices, so how was I supposed to open up to them?

/“You’re simply making excuses,”/ finally, the voice of my wolf, Gypsy, comes through again.

/“What good are you to me if you’re never there for me when I need you? The only time you appear is when you want to reprimand me.”/ I scoff, trying to tune her out, but she’s persistent.

/“What are you talking about?! I’m always here, but you seem to prefer the snake for company over me.”/ She says in a hurtful tone, and it makes me frown.

/“Huh? Prefer the snake to you? What are you talking about?! I would much rather NOT talk to that fucking thing for as long as I live!”/ I exclaim.

Gypsy lifts up her head again. /“But you choose it every time you start to feel sad instead of turning to me.”/ She says wistfully.

I shake my head. /“No, I don’t. But you’ve just proven to me that this thing thrives on my sorrow, so I think I know what I’ll do from now on.”/

A realisation hits me when I lay back on our bed; the only time I hear that little voice is when I have a panic attack or feel like I’m not good enough. It feeds on my doubt and fears, so in turn, I am the one who has literally been feeding my demons.

But how do I stop this? Supernatural beings don’t exactly have antidepressants they can take to cope with shit! Will talking to Konstantin or our Luna help at all? I suppose I will never know until I try.

First things first, I need to make this up to Konstantin then deal with everyone else. I need to prove myself a worthy part of this pack yet again, but the only time I can start with this is after the ritual tonight. As difficult as it will be, I need to get out of this slump and stop feeling like a fucking victim.

Fenriz and Konstantin didn’t train me to feel powerless.

Stefan has power over me that way, and the last thing I want is that dead fucker to have a hold on me again. He’s abused and taunted me enough; it’s time for me to kill this demon for good.

—

Konstantin

I pinch the bridge of my nose when I see Kai walking into my office with blood on his fists while dragging a terrified looking Dimitri in with him.

“What the fuck happened?” I ask, not sure I actually wanted to know what the fuck my brother did. His eyes are red, and there’s anger in his scent as well as confusion; Dimitri might as well have his tail in between his legs.

“The minders spoke, but what they had to say is bullshit I was not inclined to believe.” He says, then walks over to my entertainment section and throws Dimitri on the couch before downing the bourbon straight from the bottle. “Until I did this.” He says and holds up his bloody hands.

I get up and join him, shooting my younger brother a confused look. “Well, it must have struck a nerve for you to be day drinking straight from the bottle, so what the fuck is it?” I ask and take the bottle from his hands, but he shoots me a glare that has me holding my hands' palms up.

“They were told to do this by the one with God in his name,” he says, taking another swig.