BEAUTIFULLY UNFINISHED novel Chapter 46

FORTY-FIVE

H A R R Y

"Why do you feel like backing out from your wedding? I thought you love Audrey?" Mom asks me.

I do love her. I've always loved Audrey and she's the only woman I wanna be with ever since I met her. She used to be so simple when I met her. She used to be so gorgeous and very down to earth. But she totally changed. She changed when her name had gotten big. She changed when people were starting to notice her, when people were beginning to love her and when people were seeing her potential.

But why am I feeling so confused right now, on choosing Audrey and Rose? Why does Rose's existence in my life that happened seven years ago still makes me want to relive that part?

"You've got to think about it thoroughly Harry. Your wedding with Audrey is in two weeks. Gemma and I already had bought dresses and shoes." She adds.

"Mom. I don't know." I admitted.

She stands and walks closer to me as she holds me around her arms.

"What do you mean you don't know? Of course you know. You're just confused right now." She tells me.

I nod. "I am. I don't know what part of this is making me totally confused but I think the whole entirety of it."

"What does this say?" She pointed to my temple.

"Marry Audrey.... Cos it's what's been planned and everyone is expecting me to do it." I answered.

She sits next to me.

"And what does this say?" She placed her hand over my heart.

I move my head down and stared at where she placed her hand. I try to think of it much more. I try to feel what this part of my body feels right now as I think of Rose. My heart beating is fast and I know what this is. I've felt this with Audrey before when I first saw her years ago and why do I feel this with Rose right now?

"I love..." I didn't continue what I was going to say.

"Audrey?" She asked.

I shake my head "I've been trying so hard to force myself that I still love Audrey these past years. I love her mom. I know I love her. I know what I felt and what I feel for her."

"And do you still?"

I pause and just let my mom hug me tight while she kisses the top of my head. "Think about it Harry. You know what you want. You still have two weeks to think about all of this."

•••••

Three days had passed by after what I talked to my mom that night, and I'm still bothered about everything that she told me. I know my mom was just trying to help me over this matter and I know she clearly sees my answer through my eyes but she wants me to realize it. I've realized it but I'm still trying to lie to myself.

I still haven't thoroughly decided about the wedding even though I clearly had no choice since everyone, specifically including the entire world, is expecting me to be standing at the end of the aisle for Audrey since she's told the media that I got her pregnant but she's on the other side of the world busy with her job.

Pathetic, I know.

But guess who's more pathetic?

Yes.

Me.

I'm trying to chase a woman that's never been mine. A woman that I had a one night stand with years ago. A woman that's the mother to my first child. A woman that my best bud loves very dearly now. A woman that I've been searching for all these years.

Rose.

Oh Rose.

Why is this cruel world had to be running all over our lives? Sometimes I even ask myself why did this still happen to us? Why did I had to see her again after seven years? Why this long? Why not earlier when I was still single and not with Audrey?

Rose.

Rose.

Rose.

That's all I think about these days. Her name is always in my head. She's all that's been inside my head and she is driving me insane. The thought of her drives me insane. I'm going crazy. I'm literally going crazy because of her.

I exhale heavily.

My phone suddenly rings and a photo of Audrey pops out on my screen.

Audrey calling...

Oh now she's calling me.

I picked my phone.

"You've finally decided to call." I say.

She sighs. "I can't believe you can actually dare not to call me for three fucking glorious days Harry. What in the world is happening to you?!"

I push my hair back. "What's wrong with me?" I stand on my feet.

"I think you should be the one asking that question to yourself. What is wrong with you? What has been wrong with you?" I asked her.

"Excuse me?! Are you fighting me again? Ugh! I don't know what's going on with you Harold! My friends tell me that you're just stressed with work and our upcoming wedding too. I try to give you time but you're getting worst!"

I pause and take a straight look at the view of London right before my office.

"Is this about that stupid waitress and you're illegitimate son again?!" She exclaims. "Because I'm so done this time. I'm so tired! I don't think I can handle you anymore!" She whimpers.

"It feels like you don't love me! You're beginning to abandon me and your baby!" She begins to cry.

I push my hair off my face.

"I'm sorry." I apologized even though I don't know what I was sorry for but I know it was the right thing to do that she wanted to hear coming from me.

"I'm sorry. Maybe you're right. I'm just too stressed with life and with work. And everything that's been happening lately." I admitted.

I still hear Audrey crying on the other line and I don't know how to tame her. Damn, I didn't know pregnant women will be so hard to handle.

"Honey I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Where are you now?" I cooed.

She sighs. "I just took a flight back here in London. I'm home now."

I nod. "Alright. I'll be there to pick you up. Let's have dinner. I miss you."

"I love you Harry." She tells me as if she's worried that I don't feel the same towards her anymore.

"Harry." She calls out to me.

"I love you too." I say weakly.

•••••

M I R A N D A

"Hey."

Louis nods.

"And you agreed to it?" I asked him.

"I said they can come over in New York but I haven't talked to you about that dinner yet. And I also told them that it's a negative you'll attend the wedding." Louis says. "Hence the fact that Ben doesn't like Audrey."

I nod.

"Harry's not gonna force Ben to attend their wedding. I wouldn't want to go too." I say firmly.

"Why?" Louis asked.

I moved my head to him and he's looking through the soul of my eyes.

"Tell me why you don't want to go as well?" He asked me again.

"Is there some greater explanation why you don't want to go?" He asked again.

I take a deep breath in. "There's nothing. I just don't want to go, that's it. I don't think Audrey really likes me and I think I won't fit in."

"But I'm going cos I'm one of Harry's best man." Louis tells me.

"So what are you trying to imply? That I should go as well cos you're invited?" I asked.

"That's not what I'm trying to say. But alright, if you don't want to go then I won't force you." Louis kisses my temple.

•••••

I grab my trench coat and covered it over my black jeans and a white top. Louis was busy fixing Ben's hair for me and it was the night that we'll be having dinner with Harry and Audrey. I walked to where both of my boys were and they looked back at me.

"How do I look mom? Uncle Louis fixed my hair for me. See? We have the same hair style." Ben boasts.

"You look great with it baby." I squat down before Ben whole Louis takes a hold on my shoulder.

"I want you to be a good boy in front aunt Audrey and uncle Harry, okay?" I asked him.

Ben pouts. "Why does that witch has to be there?" He kicks his feet on the floor.

I pulled his chin up so he could face me again. "Because she's marrying uncle Harry, remember? And Ben, whatever happens tonight, mommy loves you."

Ben looks at me seriously. "Why are you saying things like that mommy?"

Ben still doesn't know his father is Harry and I wanted Harry to do it cos I couldn't spill it out to him. I don't know how to tell Ben. I want Harry to do it. I don't know how to accept how Ben will accept the fact that Harry is his father but he's marrying another woman and not his own mother. I know how Ben loves to have a complete family but Harry and I couldn't give it to him.

We have our own lives.

He has Audrey.

I have Louis.

But we're all doing this for Ben's sake even though it will change something in between the five of us.

"And Uncle Louis loves you very very much too." I added as I feel Louis hand slightly grasping on my shoulder.

Ben smiles at Louis. "I know he does, mom. I love him too."

I kiss Ben's cheek and hugged him briefly.

"Alright, let's go." I say as I stand.