BEAUTIFULLY UNFINISHED novel Chapter 56

FIFTY-FIVE

M I R A N D A

Harry: Hey. I'm leaving for London in a bit, I just wanted to check that the tux I bought for Ben fitted him?

I put my book down and gaze at the clock, it was already midnight. I know Harry's already at the airport and he's already on his way to London. I know he hasn't talked to me about my baby with Louis after he found out about it last night. It was a good thing though that he didn't ask about it cos I wouldn't know what to answer him anyways. His wedding is in four days from now and I can't seem to be happy about it even if I try.

Me: He tried it a while ago and it was a perfect fit. Thanks for it.

Harry: No worries. I hope you've changed your mind and you're going to the wedding.

I bite my lip hard. I haven't told him that I was going because it was pretty much unnecessary if he'll know about it. I know he's expecting me to go but it wouldn't make any sense anyway because he really wants me to be there to witness his wedding after confessing to me. I think Harry is loosing his mind and seemed to be giving me mixed signals.

I put my phone down and didn't reply because I didn't want to. My phone lights up again, I groaned inwardly as I quickly grabbed it. I gazed at Louis who was lying down next to me, fast asleep.

Harry: I really want you to be there.

I sigh.

Me: To witness your wedding? Why? Why do you want me to attend your wedding so badly when I don't even want to go?

Harry: Well why you don't want to attend my wedding then?

I sigh heavily.

Me: Harry, I don't like playing mind games with you. Im tired and I'm sleepy. Goodnight.

I quickly turned off my phone and laid down in my bed. I stared at Louis, I don't know how I ever lied behind the back of this man who loved me too much that I think to a point I don't deserve him at all.

I slowly pulled my hand up and run my finger over his nose bridge then rubbed it over his eyebrow.

"I love you." I whispered even though he's asleep.

•••••

Louis and I finally arrived at London together with Ben around ten in the evening. We brought along with us his private nurses in case we need some other help. We were a little but mobbed when we arrived but it was all good since there were Louis' body guards and the airport's security team.

I wanted to stay at Louis' mom and stepfather's house to at least spend a few days with them while were here in London but then he wouldn't want me to be embarrassed by Lottie again so he decided for us to stay inside a pad that he just recently rented for us.

But while we were having our flight on coming here, the entire time I was bothered about the wedding. Harry and Audrey's wedding. I didn't get any sleep inside the plane cos I was thinking about it. Even though I try so hard not to think about it, I still end up doing it and looking outside the window and mourn.

I can't believe I actually came here in London to attend Harry's wedding with Audrey. I can't believe this is actually happening. I can't believe he's still marrying her after he confessed to me that he loves me. Even to the last minute, he wants to.

I don't get Harry at all.

Sometimes I ask myself why he'd still want to marry Audrey, why he'd still want to do this when he told me that he loved me. He should've just fought his love for me if he does love me. But I guess he's a coward. He can't do it. I try to understand Harry's situation, it's like he's stuck being with Audrey cos it's what people expect him to do.

But then I thought about their upcoming baby. Maybe he's just doing this for the baby's sake. Maybe he's doing this cos he doesn't want his new child to have no father while he's growing up. At least he's being a responsible father now to his second child even if he didn't get the chance to be like that to Ben when he was growing up.

Everything is going to change now that I'm also conceiving Louis' baby. Ben was extremely happy when he found out he's having a sibling. He was excited for it. He kept asking me questions and it was a great opportunity for him to practice on talking. He would still stutter, he would still pause in between sentences but I'm glad he's doing fine.

When we got to the pad, it was huge and it was enough for us including Ben's private nurses. There was an infinity pool right on the backyard and I think Erika, Ben's female private nurse, was very excited to take a dip on it. We settled ourselves to our own rooms while I try and place Ben's things inside his closet. Louis was busy calling some delivery service since we were all too tired to go out and have dinner. Both of us decided to eat inside instead.

The wedding is happening tomorrow and no one's stopping it. No one is really going to stop it and even though I want him not to marry Audrey, I wouldn't want their child to have no father. At least Ben has Louis now. At least Ben can feel a love from a father by Louis' presence.

Everything is set for tomorrow. My gown, heels, hair and make up artist are all ready and set. Ben's little tuxedo is ready. Louis' suit and tie is ready as well. Everything is ready except for me.

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to see and to hear Harry saying his I Do.

I'm not ready for Audrey to become Mrs. Styles.

I'm not ready.

•••••

The following morning, while my make up artist was busy putting make up on my face and my hairstylist was busy doing my hair, I was trying to tell myself that I can get through this day. I stare at myself in front of the mirror once the make up artist told me I was done. I looked pretty. I looked ready for the event. I looked happy but I'm dying inside.

I exhale heavily.

I know this is wrong to feel this way because I have Louis but I just can't help it. I can't help not to think about it. I know I'm committing another sin but at least nobody knows this.

There came a knock by the door before it swings open.

Louis popped his head out. "Can I come in and see my woman already?"

I smiled at him. "Of course you can."

Louis marches his way in while the hairstylist did some finishing touches on me. He stands next to where I was and smiled at me while staring eagerly at my face.

"Why do you look at me like that?" I asked him.

He chuckles and realizes it.

"Cos you look amazing." He answers.

I smile.

"You're all done." The hairstylist finished.

Finally! I happily thought to myself.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

"God I'm so lucky to have you." I hear Louis saying.

I smiled at him.

"You look very beautiful." He tells me while he held my hand then kissed it.

I smiled ruefully looking like I had a choice. Harry stands on his feet and I bent my head down while I feel him walking back to where the others were. I gazed at the other guests and all of them looked very excited. Everyone were ready for the bride to arrive. I moved my head back to Harry but he doesn't even look excited about this. He's physically here but he doesn't look like he wanted to be here. Or maybe I'm just forcing myself that he looks like that because I don't want him to marry her.

"Everyone get ready, the bride is here." A female with an earpiece said.

"Put your blazer back on Ben." I say.

"Do I.... Do I have to w-walk down there m-mom?"

I nod. "Yes sweetie, cos you're the ring-bearer."

Ben pouts.

I see Louis walking back towards us and squats down in front of Ben.

"Ready Ben?" He asked.

"Are you going to walk with him?" I asked back.

Louis nods at me. "Yeah. I won't let him walk alone."

"But you're suppose to be--"

"I wanna make sure Ben won't get embarrassed. Plus, he listens to me and we practiced this." Louis says so proudly and I see Ben smiling.

"And when have you two practiced it?" I asked both of them.

They just smiled at each other and from the corner of my eyes, I see Harry staring at us. I know he's jealous about Louis great relationship with his son. But I can't blame Harry, he seems to be more focused on his wedding with Audrey than us. I quickly looked away while Louis helps Ben on standing.

"Y-you'll be proud of me mom." Ben smiles so happily.

I smiled at him. "I already am baby."

Louis carries Ben and they quickly joined the others for the wedding entourage. As soon as everyone was ready, I watched each of them walk down the aisle. When it was time for Ben, Louis was accompanying him. He was holding Ben's hand while Louis was holding the two rings placed over a gold colored pillow.

I take massive photos of Ben on my phone while he happily smiles at everyone. Even though Ben was struggling on walking, he tried his very best to reach the end of aisle. I thought Ben was gonna fall on his knees at the middle of walking but then Louis was there to support him.

Harry pulled a thumbs up to Ben and he was so happy to see his own father supporting and was so proud of him.

Ben smiles when he reached me, "D-D-Did you see that mom?"

"Yes baby. Yes I did." I briefly hugged him

After a few of the people marching down the aisle, it was the main event of the day. It was Audrey's turn to walk down the aisle. I don't know what I should be feeling but nothing compares to being jealous over her. Even though I know I'm too damn lucky to have Louis beside me still I can't help it not to get jealous. She's going to marry Harry Styles. She's going to marry the father of my son. She's going to spend her lifetime with him.

God this is so wrong to jealous.

The door opens wider and Audrey stands so beautifully by the doorway holding a layering bouquet of white roses on her hands. I gaze at Harry and he's exhaling heavily as if something has caught up inside his chest. When he noticed that I was looking at him, our eyes met and we just stared at each other. We knew this was really happening. We knew that no one can stop. I know he wouldn't want Audrey to look stupid in her own wedding. He looks at me ruefully and I feel terrible for him so I looked away.

She begins to walk the same time my feet wants to leave the church.