JUST GOT LUCKY novel Chapter 71

CHAPTER 70

NOTHINGNESS

LINDY'S POV

I didn’t want to leave my bed.

I didn’t know what to do.

All I know is that I was realy really hurt and I don’t know how I can be able to let go of this feeling and to forget about this pain of rejection and humilaition. All these days I have been so strong for us and for him because I know he was there to catch me and to push me. But he was the first one to let me.

The moment Martha left, I was in my bed and I didn’t want to go out of my room. There were so many questions in my head that I will no longer be able to answer because I don’t want to talk to him ever again after what he caused me. I had to question myself if I was not enough for him or was it my fault that things went out of place or was it because I was always far away? I wondered if the attention I have him was still not enough because he hurt me like this too easily.

And I cannot take it.

My heart cant take this pain. My heart does not want to feel this kind of pain because I know I can never recover from this one.

Was I really just nothing to him?

I can't believe Harry said that to all of the people in this world. I cant believe he denied me and I cannot believe he led me on all along just to get sex from me? Just to get my virginity? I don’t get it why it was like that and why things had to turn out like this? All the shame I felt were a thousand times worst than that moment during the pep rally because he shove to my face that I was a nobody to him. I was unimportant. I was someone he wanted to keep around.

After everything we shared together and after everything we did, I was nothing to him. That was all this is about? I gave myself to him! I gave him all of me! I gave him everything I have and I could give! But it felt like he threw it so easily without even thinking about what I will feel

My room was dim and the only thing lighting the place was my lamp beside my bed. I don't wanna move, my body feels so tired. I've never felt so betrayed.

Is this what they call love?

Because I don’t like it.

I don’t like the thought of what Harry said to the interviewer and it keeps on repeating inside my head again and again. I was just used for sex. He used me for his pleasure. He took advantage of me and my innocence and I cannot believe I allowed him to use me and to fool me.

I grabbed my pillow and dumped my face on it as I sobbed and cried it all out. I wish if I could cry it all out then all the pain will go away the next day. But no. It wasn't that easy. I wanna scream. I wanna slap him. I wanna pull all her hair out but he is not here. He ended things without even telling me. How could you be so stupid Lindy? How can you be so naive? I scolded myself.

I feel some sharp, sudden pangs pounding on my chest and that aching, throbbing feeling in my heart. I feel like everything is slowed down.The silence of the night filled my room, like I was trapped all alone by myself in the darkest abyss. I felt like the world collapsed and flames burnt our future into ashes. I feel nothing but sorrow all over me.

My tears wouldn't stop from falling down my face. I feel a deep sense of numbness in the pit of my stomach with a feeling of despair which I couldn't explain. It felt like it was the most dreadful rejection. I lost my ability to smile and to be happy. I feel complete emptiness surrounding me.

I never mattered to him.

It is the most horrible pain that I have felt because all I ever wanted was love, happiness and to have someone to share life with. It is the most indescribable pain that I can ever endure.

Everything that felt important, lost all its value. My heart felt like all the love I believed was in there, now drained out. I lost my sense of self worth.

I grabbed my phone which was right beside me. No text. No calls. It's already midnight, almost one in the morning but I don't feel sleepy at all.

I didn’t want to go to school.

I didn’t want them to laugh at me again.

I am so tired of the bullying.

I cannot do all this.

LOUIS' POV

I am angry at Harry.

No one from the lads wanted to talk to him after the mess he jsut done and I know he knows that he fucked thigs up big time. Harry was quiet the whole time and he didn't talk much after the interview and Niall ahd to force him to smile during the concert. It was so hard to sing and entertain fans faking all the smiles and happiness but deep down inside you just want to punch the living hell out of Harry for fucking things up with Lindy.

How can he let the management do this to him?

Harry was obviously not happy.

We got to the hotel after being mobbed by the paps and we walked to the elevator quickly but neither of us wanted to talk to him and neither of us wanted to say anything too because we didn’t know what else to say when things has been done. Suddenly, my phone was ringing inside my pocket and as we waited tfor the elevator, I pulled it out and found a message from Lindy.

I need someone to talk to. Please don't ignore me like Harry did. You told me to reach you when something is wrong. And right now there is. You know there is. Please Louis. I need someone. -Lindy

I glanced at Harry on the corner of my eye who was right beside me and I know he was mentally lost in his own world of remorse. The elevator opened for us and all of us got inside as Niall pressed the button of the floor where we were staying. I called Lindy's number because I know she feels the wordt right now and I don’t want her to think that we confided with Harold.

"Hello?" her small weak voice answered me.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

She bursted into tears the moment I asked and I know she must have seen that fucking interview.

"Please take it easy. I don't wanna hear you like that right now." I said to her.

The lads moved their heads to me.

"Who's that Louis?" Niall asked.

“Are you with the lads?” Lindy asks while sniffing.

“Yeah.” I answered and felt Harry’s eyes glued at me,

“Is Harry there?” Lindy asks sadly.

“Yeah.” I answered timidly as I still felt Harry’s eyes staring at me.

“Please don’t tell them it’s me. Please.” Lindy pleaded and I wonder how long she must have been crying since her nose sounds all stuffy.

“Who is that Louis?” Harry asks intriguingly with his bewildered eyes.

"A friend." I answered, while covering the phone with my hand.

The elevator door opens and I was the one who went out first just to get away from them. I hurriedly walked to the door of my room and I don't want Harry to hear me talking to Lindy. I pity her and as a big brother to her, she needs me. She needs someone to talk to and I can't just push her away like Harry did. She needs someone to be there for her and I want to be that someone.

"Lindy, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Don't act like you don't know Louis!" She spit out with her voice shaking.

I sighed.

"Don't act like you weren't there!" her voice weakened and sob spurted in between her words.

Fuck.

She did see the interview.

"How could he do this to me? How could he say that to the public? How could he make me feel like it's my fault? He made me look stupid in front of the millions of people! He denied me. He humiliated me!" She cries in between her words and I just ached when I listen to her.

"How could he do this Louis?!" her voice raised as she cried out.

"Lindy take it easy okay?" My word were not heplful.

"Take it easy? How can I take it easy? How can I just calm down after what he did!"

"Okay hear me out for one sec, we were told not to contact you or to tell you about something that has been going on behind the camera so none of us did try and we are terribly sorry for that."

"Bullshit! I know where this is going Louis and I don’t know whose side you are on but Harry just proved to me that I really meant nothing to him." She sounded so angry and so hurt/

"No. You don't under--"

"Don't try to cover up for his little lies. He ruined me! He had no single idea what shit I have been through these past few days and he was not there for me! He's a heartless user!" she spurted out.

"You don't know the whole truth Lindy. If you could just listen to--"

"No Louis. I get it. He's a celebrity and I'm just a toy he used for fun. That was it. Nothing more. Tell Harry not to bother calling me again because I will never ever be able to forgive him! I don’t think I want to talk you him or any ofyou guys because it will only remind me.”

She hangs up.

"Hello? Lindy! Hello?"

I sigh heavily. “Fucking Harold.”

HARRY'S POV

I am such a coward.

I’m such a fucking coward.

I crashed myself to bed and just grabbed my pillow, tugging it close to me. Lindy's smile is all I could imagine as it begins to fade into a vision of her crying. I don’t know how I hurt her but I am sure she is so damn hurt by those meaningless words I told her. Everything we did together played inside my head, from when I was texting her to those days where I kept teasing her and how I unexpectedly fell in love over some girl who I swapped phones with.

I love her.

I fucking love her and this hurts so fucking much how I denied her like that.

I paused and I tried to stop my tears from filling my eyes.

"She said you used her. She said you were a heartless user. You just showed to the paps and to the world that they were right with what they say about you Harry." Louis adds.

I pursed my lips together as I closed my fists angrily. I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid.

I watch as Louis heading to the door. "Louis I didn't want to hurt her!" I exclaimed.

"But you did."

“Oh shut up!” I yelped. “You’re no better!”

Louis scoffs, “At least I know when a woman is important or not!”

He starts walking away from me, "Where are you going?" I called out to him.

He paused by the threshold and stared back at me. "To find my best bud because apparently, this is not the Harry that I know that's standing in front of me right now." He answered.

"What are you talking about, Lou?" I asked.

"I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to hurt her. I was protecting her." Louis imitates me and obviously mocking me. "You know better Harry. Lindy has been your answer to everything you have been asking for, man!" He added while raising his tone.

"She is?"

"Jesus Harry! Fuck yes! You said it was hard to find someone in this industry who will love you for who you are, not for the one they see you on TV or because of your fame. You found the one that you've been looking for but you just threw all your chances away!" Louis raises his voice.

Louis is right.

"What else do you want?!" Louis yelled.

I stared at the floor, feeling like my world has fallen apart because I know Louis pointed that one perfectly insightful. All this time I spent with her, how was not able to fight for her when I promised her that I will. Nothing could be worst than what I feel right now because I am utterly broken and it’s all my fault. I reflected on the thing I did to Lindy, knowing that I just pushed her away from me. Knowing that it's already gone even before I knew it.

“The management threatened me.” I blurt out.

“What?” Louis asks as he walks closer to me.

I breathe, “They said if I choose Lindy, they’d make sure she gets blacklisted from all the universities and the band’s reputation will be on the edge if I keep this thing going with her.” I finally tell Louis.

“You didn’t…”

“I don’t want to choose my happiness knowing it will ruin Lindy’s future and her education just because of me. I didn’t want the band and the crew to throw all their effort away because of me.”

Louis sighs heavily and looked at me with sadder eyes, “So you gave up on your happiness for all of us.”

I nod slowly as I feel my tears filling my eyes, “I told you, I had no choice Lou.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell us?” Louis sounded pissed.

“Because it was something I had to deal with on my own. I didn’t want to be the reason why all our hard work for keeping One Direction together with the entire crew all these years to be thrown away like that.” I shake my head sideways, “I didn’t want to drag everyone down with me.”

Louis groans, “I swear to fucking God I hate our management!”

My face showed distress and as I close my eyes, tears slowly running down my cheeks. I wiped them away with the back of my hand as I feel my heart pounding in pain. If it hurts me now, it probably hurts Lindy more. A part of me I know I did the roght thing to protect these people and to protect Lindy, but either way I am hurt and Lindy got humiliated because of me.

"You lost a girlfriend. I lost a great friend and a little sister." Louis said out angrily and I see his fist closing.

"Hit me then." I dared him. "Hit me straight in the face Lou."

He laughed humorlessly. "Are you insane? Nothing's gonna change even if I beat up the fuck out of you."

"Fucking hit me Louis! Punch me! I know you’re mad at me for hurting her! I know I deserve it because I am a fucking asshole!"

"Even if I'll punch you, nothing will change. You lost her, mate. You totally did worst today. I never expected you could do this to her. The four of us are just utterly disapppointed at you."

He shuts the door behind him and left me alone. I walked to the bathroom and washed my face with the cold water coming out from the faucet while splashing it all over my cheeks. My eyes were red as I stare myself in the mirror and I wanted to hit my reflection so bad. I'm so mad at myself for what I did but I know I only did this to protect Lindy. I went to look around but my vision was blurry with all the tears filling my eyes. It was difficult for me to see clearly.

I was swollen with emotions and realizations of my fate that Lindy is gone in my life because of me. I tried to blink away the emotions that blurred my vision. The fear seemed to rise behind my eyes and I had to think again of what Louis said to me because I lost Lindy. I walked to my bed and threw myself down. Like a caged animal, I laid there. Paralyzed by the tragic feeling of isolations. I closed my eyes shut and gazed into the fields of nothingness.

"Our relationship was like a song and our memories were the melody. The song is long over, but the melody will and always linger on."

Here I am.

Alone.