Breaking All the Rules novel Chapter 32

"So no fun stuff. Got it." He smiles at me and I almost give in right then. Almost.

"I know this is going to be weird at first but I really want to make this work-"

"Kami, its okay, I was just joking. I really want this to work too." He flashes me those irresistible dimples and I know that smile is supposed to be reassuring but all it does is make me want him more. I ache in places I've never ached before and I hate it. This was a bad idea. I know I can't resist him much longer, I never could. I just want everything to go back the way it

was.

"I can go if it's too hard for you." I stand up.

"No, it's always hard for me when you're around but I can handle it." I automatically look down at his crotch then quickly look away making him laugh. "That was a joke too, no hard on." He grins at me, his dimples screaming to be kissed. Ugh.

I sit back down. "Sorry." It's our first time hanging out as just friends and I look at his crotch. What is wrong with me?

He plays some music on his phone. "Relax, we can hang out and not have sex, we did it all the time." He says it like it's no big deal, maybe it is no big deal for him, maybe I've already been replaced. That thought hurts more than I'd care to admit, here I am lying awake at night thinking about him, missing him and wanting him and he's already moved on to someone else and why wouldn't he? It's not like we were dating or anything. We were just friends with benefits. Maybe I should replace him too and I wouldn't be so sexually frustrated.

"I know." I say trying to sound as casual as possible. He broke my heart and he doesn't even know it. I don't want him to know it.

"So the eye looks a lot better. It's completely healed now."

I reach up and touch it. I'd forgotten all about my eye, I've been too focused on my heart. "Yeah, it is."

"Good night, Ian." I grab my coat before I run out the door. I jump in my car and drive away before I can change my mind, every part of me wanted to run back in there and jump in his arms and finish what we started but I know that's a bad idea. Ian isn't the relationship type and he never will be. I am the relationship type and that's never going to change either. We're just too different for it to ever work between us but I don't want to lose him as a friend. I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I have to get a grip! I don't want to lose him completely no matter how much it hurts to be around him.

*****

It's been five days since I kissed Ian and I haven't heard from him since, he's either not wanting to be friends anymore or he's giving me my space. It felt worse not hearing from him than it did being with him and not able to kiss him. I wondered what he was doing and what he's thinking. I wanted to talk to him and tell him about my day. I wanted to hear his voice, I was missing him like crazy.

I tried to focus on school instead of Ian, I tried to focus on anything other than Ian but it wasn't really working out for me. Why isn't he texting me? Is he mad at me for leaving? Are we ever going to be able to be friends? Is that why he asked me to hang out in the first place so he could make a move on me? Maybe he doesn't want to be friends at all, maybe he's just wanting me as a hook up again.

"Okay, look, I'm sick of watching you be all miserable, it's depressing." Jess tells me.