BEAUTIFULLY UNFINISHED novel Chapter 43

FORTY-TWO

M I R A N D A

"Who is Ben's real father?" He asked.

I tried to keep an emotionless and straight face after the things that Harry told me and now he's asking me about Ben. All of a sudden he's curious about Ben! I can't believe I came here unprepared for this and I can't believe he'll actually tell me all of these things tonight. I don't know how to keep a straight face now that I'm bothered about the things we did seven years ago and now that he's questioning about Ben's biological father. Now that I know what we did, I sort of remembered a few details that night as he narrates it to me.

But how on earth can he still remember every detail of it that night? And I mean all of it? How come he remembers it? How come he still remembers me?

A lot of things were running around my head right now and I didn't know I was that wild. I didn't know I could be that wild for Harry. I didn't have any idea I'd act that way when I'm drunk and I didn't have any idea how many shots I've taken that eventful night that made me do things like that. Plus I didn't recognize I was with Harry Styles the entire time? How can that even happen? Was I totally totally wasted?

I feel myself getting embarrassed of the facts that he might actually and intentionally missed out some things that perhaps were the most embarrassing parts that night, like me vomiting endlessly inside a bathroom, or worst on him or the other shameful acts I could've done that only he knows that didn't want to spill it out.

"Miranda." He calls out to me again.

I glance at him.

"Or Rose. Or whatever you wanna be called." He adds.

I take a deep breath in before staring at him but he looks at me like I'm at fault. I'm guilty. I am obviously guilty cos I'm not answering him. He leans forward as he rest his elbows over his knees. He looks so confused and totally distracted, those dark circles on his eyes are evident enough that he might actually thought about this really hard these past days. And I'm scared, cos Harry is a smart man. He's a very excellent observer. His emerald eyes never left me, not a second, and I'm getting more conscious on how my face was becoming in front of him.

"Why did you leave me the following morning?" He asks.

I kept my eyes glued on him but my mouth is locked tight.

"Why didn't you leave me any note? Why didn't you wait for me or wake me up before you left?" He added.

I gulped. "Because I felt embarrassed Harry. I don't do things like that. I don't do one night stands." I thought.

"I was looking for you." He blurted.

I gaped.

He looked for me? Did I hear that right? He looked for me? Oh my god I couldn't believe that he looked for me. He really said those words and I know I didn't go deaf. After the long seven years of embarrassment that I've been through, I didn't know he was looking for me the moment I left him. I was hiding the entire time because I was scared and embarrassed but little did I know that he looked for me.

"I tried to ask the front desk of the hotel if they saw you by the lobby but they didn't or maybe they knew where you've been to or maybe you could've left me even with your phone number but you didn't." He continued.

We stared at each other longer but why does my heart feels like it's pumping a lot of blood? I feel myself drowning of my own blood.

"You just left." He says sternly.

He runs his palms over his face and his cheeks and the tip of his nose slightly turned a little red after rubbing it. He's really bothered about this and I don't know what to say to him. I don't know what words would actually fit for me to tell him right now because I'm still processing everything that I just found out. And I'm not ready to tell him everything, including Ben.

He looks at me while he takes a grasp on his left hand using his right. I am actually nervous. I'm so nervous that I feel my own hands shaking.

"Aren't you gonna say anything to me? Are you just gonna keep quiet?" He asked me.

I kept my eyes glued on the ground now.

"Aren't you gonna answer me? Aren't you gonna explain to me you're that gorgeous woman I've been searching for all these years after we had that marvelous one night stand? You weren't really planning on telling me the truth, were you?" His voice raised.

I stand from my chair and take a grip tight on my bag. "Harry, I have so many important things to do right now. I don't have time for this." I spit as I try to hide my tears.

I began leaving the couch but he was quick enough to grab my wrist and pulled me back down. He stands from the couch too and forced me to face him. I can't even look at him because... I don't know. I don't have the guts to tell him yet. I can't pull myself together after these things he figured out on his own. He looks at me sternly and his grip on my wrist was getting a little bit tighter but it wasn't hurting me.

"Don't you dare leave me." He calls out.

I gaze at him.

"I've been thinking about it Rose. These past two days, I've been figuring things out on my own. Ben looks exactly like me. My hair. My green eyes. My every little habit that I do, he does it! And I'm not stupid not to notice that Ben is my little boy!" He spits.

I pulled my hand back but he held it tighter now. My heart is racing. And racing harder and faster. Pounding.

"You think I don't see the things you secretly hide from me but when I look at Ben, I feel something for him. I feel this deep connection when we talk, when I'm with him and we're so comfortable with each other." He says.

My tears are now falling and I was trying so hard not to cry but I'm defeated. I shake my head as I bent it down, with my eyes closed and my tears kept falling down my cheeks.

I feel Harry releasing my wrist and suddenly wrapped his arms around me without saying anything else. He holds me close to him and kissed my temples as if he understands what is going on inside of my head.

I push him away as wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry."

He looks at me.

"I have so many things that's going on inside my head until now and I..." I take a deep breath in.

I exhaled heavily.

"I just... I can't... I'm not ready.. I'm not... I don't know what I'm gonna say to you." I stutter but Harry looks at me seriously. He's listening to me eagerly.

"I'm still not ready to tell you. I don't know when I'm going to be ready." My voice is shaking now.

"I'm ashamed of what happened. I don't do things like that in one night. I don't get so wasted and just fuck senseless with some random guy that I met in a bar. I'm not that kind of woman and I feel like I've degraded myself." I explained.

He's quiet now. He's listening.

"I was so embarrassed that I've lived with it these past seven years. I was so wasted that I don't remember anything. You don't know what it felt like if you were in my shoes! I'm so ashamed of myself. I feel so dirty for having that sinful one night stand with you." I began to cry.

Harry looks at me ruefully.

"Sinful?" He asked.

I look back at him.

"You're blaming it on me now?" He arched an eyebrow.

"I didn't wanted to get pregnant! I didn't wanted the baby cos I was only seventeen but I had no choice! I had to let him live even it means I'll be on my own raising him."

He chuckles. "So you mean to say fucking me was the worst decision you've ever done cos I ruined you? Cos I got you impregnated?"

I didn't answer but I'm so mad cos this conversation is going nowhere.

"You don't know what I've been through Harry. It was hell for me while you were out on tour and busy with being Harry fucking Styles." I spit.

"You didn't tell me about your pregnancy! Yet you're blaming it on me. You were the one who ruined yourself Rose." He exclaims.

I gaped. "Excuse me?!"

"You wanted the sex that night. I know cos I felt it in your eyes when you looked at me. You were needing me to go inside of you and don't you dare lie to me cos I know what it felt when I was there. When I kissed you. And when I touched you." He answers.

"You loved it. You wanted me like how I wanted you." He adds.

I take a deep breath in and just wiped my tears away. The entire room is now quiet and no one is daring to say anything to each of us. I move my head back to Harry and he was just insanely looking at me quietly. The room is deafening with silence and I'm tired of yelling at each other. This is going nowhere now.

"So what now? Now that you've find out I'm Rose and Ben is your son? What now?" I laugh humorlessly.

He doesn't answer and I know he's trying to sink in what he just heard coming from me.

"Nothing will change Harry. You're getting married to Audrey and she's pregnant. Nothing's gonna change." I added.

"I know. But I will have my right as a father to Ben. I'm still the father. If it wasn't for me, you won't have Ben. You can't make Ben without me. You can't take that right from me. I'm his father and I will make this to court." He spits.

"You're going to take my son away from me?! You think you can just come into our lives and be a dad to Ben cos now you've found out the truth? You think it's easy just like that?!" I yelled.

Harry pushes his hair off his face and looks at me angrily.

"I don't know why you're so mad at me. Between the two of us, I should be the one who should be mad. You hid Ben from me. You hid the opportunity for me to become a father to Ben." He says.

He exhaled. "Let's be grown ups, Rose. You're old enough to know about what to do. I'm still marrying Audrey and we're going to start with our own family soon but I won't neglect and abandon my first child."

What about me Harry? I cry inwardly.

He walks closer to me as holds my arms but I don't want him to come into our lives. I don't want Harry and Audrey to take Ben from me.

"I'm not going to take him away from you." He says.

"I'm just going to be his dad..." His tears are now glimmering against his eyes.

"Don't take that away from me." He says softly.