BEAUTIFULLY UNFINISHED novel Chapter 44

FORTY-THREE

Those words and yelling conversations I had with Harry yesterday is still ringing against my ear. I can't believe he finally found out about the truth and it ended up not well. We fought like we didn't have tomorrow and I yelled at him out of disrespect. I was also offended by the things he said but I couldn't stop thinking more about the future that holds for me and Ben. Harry hasn't contacted me yet and he said he's on his way back to England because of Audrey.

To be honest....

I was hurt.

I was really really hurt.

I was hurt cos I expected Harry would choose me and Ben over Audrey and their upcoming child. It was very pathetic of me to think that selfishly but you can't blame me. I expected he'd be here for us more and that he'll cancel his marriage with Audrey. I thought he'll take a few months off from marrying Audrey when she is ready enough to accept Ben.

But who am I kidding?

It was only meant to be a one night stand, Miranda. A one night stand that didn't mean to get you pregnant by Harry Styles. One sinful and lustful night that I should've gotten over with right now but it's all coming back to me as I think of it on how Harry said it.

I take my necklace from the side table drawer and just stared at it. I've been on this bed for the entire day and I didn't go to work cos there were an entire fleet of media and fans trying to ask me about Ben, Louis and the relationship between Ben and Harry.

Louis...

I have a loving boyfriend.

Louis loves me. Dearly.

Louis accepted me with all the broken pieces left in my life.

Louis accepted Ben.

Louis accepted all of me.

But why am I still chasing Harry? I thought I've gotten over the feeling of being in love with him, I thought this was just some infatuation, that it was just a misunderstanding between me and him but now that he knows the truth why is my heart aching for Harry?

Why is my heart needing for Harry? Needing for his attention? And care? And love? Not only towards Ben but also for me. A part of me wants him to choose us between Audrey but now I know how he loves her so much.

I thought I wasn't going to think this way, that when Harry will find out in the future, I'll be mature enough to do it for Ben but why do I don't want him to marry Audrey? I'm being selfish but their child must also have a father.

I sigh.

I wonder how Audrey will react to this once Harry will tell her. I wonder how the world will comment about this once it'll come out. I wonder how my life will be now that Harry knows he's Ben's father. I wonder how Ben will cope up with this sudden change, with the sudden truth. I wonder how Audrey will treat Ben too.

I have so many things that's going on inside my head that I worry about all the time after confessing to Harry yesterday, and it's endless. It keeps on haunting me even when I'm asleep.

I don't want Audrey and Harry to take Ben away from me. I don't want the court to think that I can't raise my child on my own cos I'm just a waitress. I don't want them to take my son from me. I will never allow that.

Ben is mine.

Suddenly my phone rings.

Louis calling...

I sigh as I cave in.

"Hey love. You haven't been answering my calls today." Louis says right away.

I take a deep breath in.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah." I answered softly. "Im fine."

"Harry came around the studio today. He talked to me about you. And mostly about Ben." Louis states.

I take a deep breath in.

"What did he say?" I asked softly.

"He said he wants the five of us to meet up and personal." Louis answered.

"Five?" I asked.

"You, me, Audrey, him and Ben."

I remained quiet.

"Louis..." I call out weakly. "I'm so scared. I'm so scared that they might take Ben away from me, that they might have full custody. I'm so scared that Ben will love spending more time with Harry and Audrey than with me. I'm so scared that my own son will abandon me. Louis Im so scared." I began to cry as I cover my mouth.

"Hey hey. Don't think about things that are way overboard. Harry's not gonna take Ben away from you, he promised me he won't and I won't let him. I know him and he's not gonna do that to you."

I exhale heavily as I wipe my tears from my cheeks. "I just want you here with me right now." I whimper.

"I'm so sorry for not being around with you. I'll book a flight to New York right now. I'm coming for you love." He tells me.

I slightly smiled.

"Have you tried talking to Ben about Harry?" Louis asked.

I shake my head. "Not yet. I can't seem to.... Find the right words on how to say it to a six year old." I laugh humorlessly as my tears kept falling.

"Why do you sound so scared?" He asks.

"Because they're rich, Louis. The court will give Harry full custody over Ben cos he can support our son way better than I can and--"

"I won't let him take this to court. He can't go that far." He cuts me off.

My lips are trembling and I know this sounds selfish of me but you can't blame me for feeling this way. I've raised Ben with all I have and sacrificed a lot of things for him, I ain't gonna let Harry and Audrey take my place as Ben's parent. I'm still the mother. I brought him out of this world from my womb and I've been with him for seven years. Ben only belongs to me and never to them. Definitely not to Audrey.

"I'll do what I can if Harry files for full custody over Ben." Louis adds.

I have a breathy whimper.

"I won't leave you Miranda. I love you and Ben so much. So please, I don't want you to think of things that aren't suppose to make you worry. Take a rest and get your mind off of these issues that clouds you up. Alright?"

I nod as I wipe my tears.

"I love you so much. I'll be there in a few hours." He tells me.

I nod again. I remained quiet.

"I love you." He repeats, making sure I heard him.

I smiled tight-lipped. "I love you too Louis."

He chuckles.

"Now that's my woman!" His voice raises happily. "Cheer up babe. Daddy's going home." He teases.

I softly laugh as I wipe my tears off my cheeks. "I love you." I repeated because I know I mean it. From the bottom of my heart, I know I love Louis. I know.

"I know you love me. Love you so much more Miranda." He answers seriously.

•••••

A constant ring comes by the doorbell one Sunday morning. I was busy looking for Ben's clothes while he runs down the stairs to open the front door.