Taming The Wild CEO novel Chapter 59

C H A P T E R 5 7 : W H E N H E F I N A L L Y F I N D S O U T

E L L A S T A N F O R D

The rest of the day, Ella tried not to think about her situation with Javier. She was just going to live in the moment. It would last as long as it lasted. Yet, in a small corner of her heart, she hoped that everything would work out somehow. That they would find some way to be together, but in her head, she knew that was not realistic. This relationship was doomed to end in heartache, but perhaps if she was careful, maybe she would not lose her whole heart to him. If she was careful, maybe she could guard one last piece. But deep down in her heart, she knew that she had not been careful at all or else she would not end up pregnant.

Later that afternoon, a package arrived at her mother’s house that stole any remaining piece of her heart that did not already firmly belong to him. The box was wrapped in white paper with a big blue and white striped bow. Inside there was a book but it was not just any other book. It was ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ by Eric Carle. The book pictographically described the evolution of a caterpillar eating its way through an array of food to eventually pupate into a beautiful butterfly. It was a gift from her grandmother back when she had been a kid however when Ella and her mother had been moving from town to town, avoiding debt collectors, she had lost it.

She knew that this book was not exactly what she had had back then but the fact that he had just sent her this made her feel warm inside. When they had a pillow talk and talked about their childhood, he had truly listened to her. There was a card inside. The card simply read ‘To learn more about you’. It was not signed but she knew who had sent the book. Other than her mother who probably had forgotten about it, only Javier knew about it.

Ella sat on the couch with the box in her lap. Her eyes filled with tears and the back of her throat felt hot and scratchy. She tried unsuccessfully to blink back the moisture in her eyes, but she was no more successful at that than she was holding back the swell of her heart. She was in love with him. It was impossible. Inappropriate, and she didn’t feel good about it. Not the kind of good that falling should feel like.

“What is that?” her mother asked as she walked into the living room.

Ella ducked her head. “Nothing.”

“It is obviously not nothing.”

She brushed her wet cheek against the shoulder of her Disney T-shirt. “Someone sent me a book.”

“What book?” Her mother peered from her shoulder, her eyes widened. “The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Your favorite book when you were a kid. Your grandma gave that to you, did she not?”

So her mother did remember. “Yes.”

“Who was the sender?”

“I do not know. It is not signed.”

“Really? How long do you think you can keep this up?”

“What?”

It earned her a dry look from her mother. “Ella, I might be one year older tomorrow, but I am not senile. Everything adds up to a new man in your life. And I am happy for you. After all, you are twenty six.”

“Mm-hmm.” A safe, non-committal reply.

“You can tell me all about him you know,” said her mother with an indulgent smile.

Not all about him, Ella darkly decided. Her mother did not deserve to have her birthday ruined. She was not sure how many things she could share with her mother before disapproval kicked in.

“I know we are not close and that we have never talked about this. You always go to Damon every time you have something you want to share with someone, every time you face an issue. It does not have to be that way, Ella.”

The wretched weight of the deceit she had allowed to stay in place with him today crept up on her and it was suddenly very clear that she could not go through with deceiving her mother about anything. She would hold back about her pregnancy for a while, but not about him being her boss, nor how much the relationship meant to her.

She wanted her mother to understand, needed her to be supportive. That was probably expecting too much, but what was their relationship worth if she could not confide her love for a man and hope for a sympathetic ear? Maybe it was weak of her but she was tired of being independent, working everything out for herself. Damon was a good friend — the best of friends, and being able to lean on his shoulder was a big help but she really wanted her mother. And her mother finally opened up her arms, telling her that she could rely on her.

Tears pricked her eyes and she hurriedly blinked them away. Ella looked up and stared at her mother, a vision of blurry cream blouse and dark blue worn out jeans.

“I might be old but I have been young and I am not stupid, Ella.” She handed Ella a tissue from the box on the end table. “Dry your eyes. Your mascara will smear.”

Ella took the tissue and dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

“I knew something was up the minute you got here and I have been waiting for you to come to me and talk to me about it.” Her mother sat on the couch. “I could help. Maybe give you motherly advice.”

“No offense, Momma, but you have been dating people casually and you rejected at least half a dozen proposals. What advice could you give about relationships?”

“Well, I could tell you what mistakes not to make. For example, never get involved with a married man because they rarely leave their wives despite what they might say.”

“That really does not apply here, Momma. I am not seeing anyone who is married.”

“Okay.” Her hand dropped reached to the side of her face and she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Do not date sailors as well because those men dock at different ports around the world and they all seem to just love the hookers. They are nasty bastards.”

“Again, Momma. Does not really apply here. I do not date any sailors either.”

Her mother sighed as if she were the one suffering. “Okay, then who are you dating?”

“My boss. Which perhaps makes this ten times worse.”

“That is not too bad, Ella,” she replied and took her hand. “Well, I think your relationship with Javier is difficult, given that he is your boss and that might raise some eyebrows, but it is not impossible.”

Ella groaned. “At the moment, it feels impossible.”

They were both quiet for a sold two minutes before her mother squeezed her hand and asked, “Do you love him?”

What she felt was so new, so raw, she did not want to talk about it. “I do not want to love him.”

“Well, Honey, I do not want to get grey hair, but it is not something I can help.”

“Are you seriously equating him and grey hair?”

Her mother shrugged one shoulder. “Your body is going to react a certain way and there is nothing you can do about it. You can not control who you are attracted to. And you definitely can not control who your heart wants, Honey.”

A few weeks ago she would have told her mom that was a load of crap. And she would have believed it too. “But I do not want my heart to want him. I do not want to fall for any man right now. Plus I am pretty sure his mother hates me.” Ella especially did not want a relationship that was so complicated but she did not really have much of a choice considering his baby was in her belly.

“Then his mother will have to get to know you better and eventually maybe she will get around.”

She looked into her mother’s green eyes surrounded by heavy mascara. “I do not think it will be that easy, Momma.”

“Perhaps. But the bigger question is will it be worth it?”

Ella bit her bottom lip and recalled how happy she had been whenever Javier and she had been together. How easy it was to talk to him and share all of her stories.

“Ella Honey, sometimes it is not about someone you want to spend your Friday night with, it is about that one person that makes you want to lie beside his body, next to his heart, for an entire Sunday afternoon.”

She did not know how Javier felt. He had never said. She knew he liked having sex with her. That much was obvious. And she knew he gave her gifts with some thought behind them. That had to count for something. But she also knew that if it came down to a choice, he would pick his company over her. She understood that. It had been his dream, something he had built for himself. It flowed through him like his own blood, giving him substance and strength and purpose. His drive and dedication were the things she loved about him. Even though they were also the things that would break them apart.

“Well, let us take a pause about this, Momma. We have to celebrate your birthday, remember?” She forced herself to give her mother a joyful smile. “What do you want for your birthday dinner?”

* * *

Ella took a shower and brushed her teeth before noon the next day. Her mother was currently out with Finn, her current boyfriend, probably going to celebrate her birthday in a more intimate way than last night. She checked her phone, but Javier had not called. Not that she would answer. Maybe he had moved on. Maybe he was over her. At ten that morning, someone rang her bell.

“If you do not open the door,” Javier said through the speaker, sounding not only tired but pissed off, “I am going to call in a bomb threat and your whole neighborhood will have to be evacuated.” Her heart pounded in her chest at the sound of his voice.

“You are bluffing.”

“Just make sure you grab your umbrella. It is raining outside.”

Ella let out a sigh. She knew she would have to talk to him sooner or later. She had just hoped it would be later. “Fine.”

He was in her mother’s living room a minute later. He looked exhausted and angry and delectable and her heart skidded to a stop in her chest.

“You do not look like you are dying.” His brows lowered and he frowned. “So why have you been avoiding me?”

Before she lost her nerve, she turned and said, “We can not see each other anymore.”

He put his hands on his hips and gazed across the room at her. “Why?”

Her palms were clammy and her chest ached. She folded her arms across her heart instead of running across the room and throwing herself at him. She had thought up a perfectly good lie last night. “I quit and I need to move on with my life.” That was not it. There had been more.

“You had given your resignation letter three months ago and we have only been seeing each other the last two months. So clearly that did not stop you.” His gaze lowered to her hand. “Why are you wearing the engagement ring?”

Damn. “I just wanted to see if it still fits.” Wow, that was lame. She just could not lie cleverly with him staring a hole through her.

“Except for that one time I took you to meet my family, you have never worn it. Try coming up with a more convincing reason.”

Ella swallowed past the burning lump in her throat. “Being with you is wrong. I can not do it anymore. Perhaps it should never have happened. You need to concentrate on the expansion plan and I need to be by myself.” Her nerves unraveled even more and she glanced at the spot on the floor between her feet for a moment to calm herself down. Then she returned her gaze to Javier, his beautiful blue eyes, and her heart shattered all over again. “I can not love you anymore. Please just go and do not make this even more difficult than it already is.”

His hands dropped to his sides. Instead of leaving, he looked at her for several moments before he said, “Any more?”

“What?”

“You said you can not love me anymore.”

Oh, fuck. “I meant I can not be with you anymore.”

“That is not what you meant.”

She moved across the room toward the entrance. She had to get him out of the house before she fell apart in front of him. “I do not love you and I can not be with you.”

He grasped her arm as she walked past him and looked down into her face. “You keep mentioning love. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

Ella tried and failed to pull herself from his grasp. “Stop.”

“I have tried.” He placed one big hand on the side of her face. “And I can not.” He lowered his forehead to hers. “These past few days, not knowing if you were okay, have been hell.”

“I am okay,” she replied with an intake of her breath.