Apprehended By My Mate novel Chapter 50

"I am so proud of you Clare." He kisses my hand and I feel myself blush under his touch and gaze. I try and remember the last time someone was proud of me and it's sad that I can't. Derek was never proud of me, I was a disgrace to him. My parents were never proud of me choosing Derek over them. I was never proud of myself. I shift in my bed closing my eyes.

"Did your Alpha ever know what was going on?" Conner ask after our silence.

"No. I think he suspected something wasn't right but when I saw him I lied and told him everything was fine." I look at Conner who is lost away in his thoughts.

"Why didn't you tell him something was wrong? He was your Alpha, he should have protected you." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Conner you need to understand that even if I wanted to I couldn't. You don't understand what type of a man Derek is. If he ever found out-" Conner stands up and runs his fingers through his hair. I can tell he is frustrated but he just doesn't understand.

"Well then make me understand Clare. I am trying to be patient, but how am I meant to help you when you won't explain to me and make me understand. I feel so helpless Clare. I hate seeing you in pain and it breaks my heart every time you have a meltdown or a panic attack. How am I me at to help?" He raises his voice and I feel tears coming down my face.

This is what I do. I hurt people that mean a lot to me. That's all I will ever be able to do, hurt the people around me. I did it to my parents, to Derek and now to Conner.

"I am sorry Conner, I am trying." I sob and when he faces me I see the distress on his face.

"I know Clare. I am not rejecting you but I need some time to myself." He gives me one last look before leaving the room. When he leaves I burst out into tears realising I have just lost him because of my past. I hug my knees to my chest as violent sobs shake my bones. I close my eyes and remember the one and only time that I saw my Alpha after mating with Derek.

It was the first time in three years that I have left the house. Derek let me come out today because he was in a good mood. He left me to do what I want as long as I didn't talk to anyone or see my parents. I am walking along the path not looking where I am going until I run into someone.

Pain courses through my body at the impact but I try my best to mask it. A hand grabs my arm causing me to wince from the bruise that I got this morning.

"I am fine Alpha." I still don't look up at him and my body stiffens when I feel him take a step closer.

"Clare." He puts a finger under my chin and raises my eyes to meet his. He brushes my hair back and I look away hoping he didn't see the bruise.

"What happened to you face?" I shake my head causing him to let go of my chin.

"I feel down the stairs a few days ago. I wasn't looking where I was going and I slipped on my dress. Derek told me to be careful when walking but I ignored him. It was my own fault." My voice is flat and monotone like I am reciting words out of a text book.

"Clare if there is something wrong with Derek please tell me. I can help you, your parents can help you. They have been worried about you, you know. They came to me a while ago asking if they heard anything from you." I hold in my tears when I hear that my parents have been worried about me. I didn't think they cared about me anymore. I thought they hated me and never wanted to see me again. That's what Derek told me. I was a disgrace to them and they couldn't wait to get rid of me.