Apprehended By My Mate novel Chapter 38

"I know you are not Derek, I have to keep telling myself that over and over again. Derek wouldn't let me have even half of the freedom you allow me. You have been so good to me Conner and I find myself trusting you, but there is always going to be that part of me that is waiting for the moment for everything to change. The moment where you show me your true colours and I know I won't be able to survive if you turn out to be the same as Derek." I am breathing hard and I watch as a thousand of different emotions play across Conner's face.

"I want to trust you Conner, I really do, but I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone again with my whole heart. Derek broke me Conner, he made me believe that everything he did was out of love. I am scared that if I let myself be loved or let anyone love me that it will turn abusive because that is what he made me believe and showed me. That love is abusive that is alright to hit a women because it is out of love. That it is ok to force yourself upon someone because that is what love is." I have tears running down my face and my voice is breaking the same way Derek broke me.

Conner takes a step closer to me to try and comfort my shaking body, however I take a step back and hold my hand up telling him not to come closer. I wrap my arms around my stomach shaking my head.

"Clare." Conner says softly and I look up from the floor and into his blue eyes which are covered by a haze of unshed tears.

"I don't know what to do anymore Conner. I don't know what to believe. You care for Grace and me so well that I want to believe it is love but if I then believe that all of Derek lesson and rules will follow and I don't want that. I am scared if you love me Conner that you might become what Derek is. A monster." My throat tightens and my breathing becomes hard. Derek's voice in screaming in my head and the look on Conner's face makes my heart split in half.

"I don't know what to do." I whisper to myself and I sit down on the lounge. My body is shaking and I feel like I am bare and vulnerable. I have opened myself and told Conner my fears and I am waiting for the rejection that I know will follow.

I know Conner loves Grace however if Conner rejects me because I cannot love him, then I will leave. I will leave Grace and Conner behind because I know Conner will care for Grace and give her the life she deserves.

"Do you want this Clare?" I feel myself being to cry again so I hide my head in-between my hands. My brain is telling me not to trust Conner, while my heart is telling me to give it a shot. What do I have to loose.

As my brain and heat conflict with each other I search out for my wolf. I don't expect her to be there so I get a surprise when I can feel her at the edge of my mind. She is wary of Conner himself and the type of man he is, but she knows that if Conner is anything like his wolf then he is telling the truth and we should trust him.

As my brain, heart and wolf are all telling me different things Derek's voice begins his say in the situation.