Apprehended By My Mate novel Chapter 72

"No Clare. I am not letting you go back." Conner shakes his head and I can see he is not going to budge.

"My mother is dying." I whisper and Conner is in front of me faster than I can blink.

"Clare I love you, but I know what going back is going to do to you." He kisses my hands and I shake my head.

"Conner the guilt is eating me. If my mother die knowing that I was alive and didn't want to see her. Maybe it is worth the risk." I look shyly up at Conner who is pinning me with a look that could break marble. He doesn't want me to go back.

"Clare, I really don't want you to go back, but I can't stop you. How about you think about it?" I nod my head as the guilt starts to grow at a rapid pace and I don't think it is ever going to stop.

Over the next few days every time I see my father my ball of guilt inside me keeps building and building. Conner and I talked about it last night and my feelings are still mixed.

I want to go and see mum, yet I don't want to go to the pack because I know Derek will find me. I am sitting in the lounge with Grace in my lap lost in my own thoughts that I didn't notice Ivy coming and sitting next to me.

"You ok Clare?" I jump and turn to Ivy. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

"No it is ok." We both sit in silence lost to our thoughts.

"Have you decided what you are going to do?" I close my eyes as more guilt is added to the growing ball inside that is just about ready to burst free.

"I don't know what to do Ivy. My mother is dying and I need to be there for her, however that place has too many bad memories. If I ran into Derek that will be the end. I might as well kill myself." Ivy grabs my hand making me look at her.

"Clare killing yourself is never an answer." I see tears in her eyes and I can see she is hurt by what I have said.

"I might as well though because if Derek does get to me what he will do to me is so much worse than death. He won't kill me Ivy, he will keep me on the brink for months, years and even then." I shake my head. I know what kind of a man Derek is and I know that he won't kill me. He will make me suffer for as long as he wants before he finally kills me or I kill myself.

"Wait Dad." I trip over my own two feet as I catch up to him. He looks at me and I take a deep breath hoping that I am making the right decision.

"I want to come. I want to go back and see Mum."

"Clare I am not so sure about this." Conner says as I finish packing the last of my bags. I sigh looking at the two bag sitting on the bed ready to go.

"Conner I know. Truth be told I am terrified to go back, but if I don't I am sure that the guilt of not seeing my Mum will kill me." I sit on the edge of the bed taking a few deep breathes.

"I am going back." I say to myself and it is only now that it is starting to sink in. I am going back home. My stomach churns and my head begins to pound.

"I am going home." I state again as I start to hyperventilating. What happens if Derek finds me, what if, what if? So many situations run through my head and none of the end well for Conner, Grace or I.